Bake Them Cookies, Girl

A couple of my lady friends - desperate to tap into my infinite dating knowledge - took me to a bar, got me buzzed and then asked the timeless question: "How do I attract the right guy?" Why so much work to extract this information from me? Because I knew the answer, and while those women initially brushed off my recommendation, trusting their own intellect, accomplished careers and own (edit) Reese Witherspoon/Rachel McAdams narratives for success, by the end of the night they knew I was right... because I am.

Now, I'm ready to share it publicly, with the world, for the first time. Ready?

Bake cookies.

That's right, ladies. Preheat those ovens. This isn't some ploy to enforce domestic traditions for courtship. It's a truth. Want the man you're looking for? Brush up on those snickerdoodle recipes.

When I first realized this theory, I thought I was biased, not just as the benefactor of the cookies but my own love for cookies. The first memory I have of cooking for myself was my Mom showing me how to reheat a cookie in a microwave. That was my Pandora's cookie box. In third grade I broke the St Vincent de Paul elementary school cookie consumption record for eating a total 18 sugar cookies at lunch and keeping them down. Since then, I haven't looked back. I ate a gooey cookie every day in high school and the Good Lord knows that, when I started dating, every girl I took seriously was one who could bake a mean dozen.

I realized when I got to college and saw the revolving door of relationships that there was a difference between those that succeeded and those that failed: Cookies. It's not like those women that baked cookies were better but they were better matches, like peanut butter to cookie, because it was a sign of affection. Likewise, guys who were compatible matches let down their guard, skipped Halo night for movie night, detailed their girlfriends' cars without being asked, started learning how to cook and washed their sheets and bathroom more than once a semester.

You see, it's all about the act of preparing a gift for another person. My friend made a post on Facebook following hearing my advice, which drew some hisses and boos because it's so in fashion to support anything that more easily relates to feminism than not, yet no one had a true rebuttal for my advice, which was this:

"The act of baking requires time and effort in the interest of making some feel special the next time you see them. You can wave your flags regarding gender roles and traditions unattractive to the modern woman, or you can look at the other preparatory activities related to hair, nails, etc. that are meant to achieve the same effect and are really no less traditional. Cookies taste better and probably last longer than your mascara."


Let's also not forget that those Good 'ol Boys that women want to meet are Good 'ol Boys because Mom raised them right. Mom probably also stayed at home or long enough to slice some oranges and bake some cookies. I'm not saying that's any easier in today's cost-of-living society that nearly requires three incomes to get by, but Good 'ol Boys are always looking for the good qualities of Mom and that includes some homemade cookies frosted with comfort and love. Even my other boss, who is as modern as it comes, said she baked cookies for her husband when they began dating - but only once. That's all it takes.

Now, will you meet the guy by baking cookies? To my sister's point in the comments of this post, cookies aren't going to introduce you to anyone, but they'll sure help you keep Mr. Right around. Take my advice. Bake them cookies, girl.