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Scott and Courtney, you might want to get married quick, otherwise you'll need to have children within three years of your wedding date -- if Initiative 957 passes.

Proponents of same-sex marriage have introduced an initiative that would require heterosexual couples to have children within three years or else have their marriages annulled.

According to the P-I, "Initiative 957 was filed by the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance, which was formed last summer after the state Supreme Court upheld Washington's ban on same-sex marriage. In that 5-4 ruling, the court found that state lawmakers were justified in passing the 1998 Defense of Marriage Act, which restricts marriage to unions between a man and a woman. In defending the act, the ruling specifically mentioned a state interest in furthering procreation."

"We did toy with the idea of (requiring) procreation before marriage," said Gregory Gadow, who filed I-957 last month for the Alliance. "We didn't want to (annoy) the fundamentalists too much."

According to the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance, if passed by Washington voters, the Defense of Marriage Initiative would:

  • add the phrase, โ€œwho are capable of having children with one anotherโ€ to the legal definition of marriage;
  • require that couples married in Washington file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage automatically annulled;
  • require that couples married out of state file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage classed as โ€œunrecognized;โ€
  • establish a process for filing proof of procreation;
  • and make it a criminal act for people in an unrecognized marriage to receive marriage benefits.

The group admits, the initiative is "absurd," but claims "there is a rational basis for this absurdity." Stay with me here. The group believes that by floating the initiative, they can instigate a discussion about "the many misguided assumptions" about this state's definition of marriage.

It's political theatre. It's working. We're discussing the definition of marriage, and Scott and Courtney are contemplating jogging or sprinting to the alter.

Paolo is sick. The two packs of Emergen-C (2,000mg of Vitamin C), Afrin, Sudafed and Coldeeze in his body will either heal or kill him. There's no middle ground.

Courtney, you tried and tried to get into the Mottola family. First you tried going after me, but I resisted your advances. Then you tried going after Sergio, but you encountered some legal hurdles you couldn't jump.

Way to pick up the broken pieces and settle with Scott.

Congratulations on the engagement Scott and Courtney!

Reason #2,454,342 why I should destroy Scott...

He posted a damn Craigslist personal ad for me, without my knowledge, and has been forwarding me the responses.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/m4w/271996578.html

So embarrassing. The grammar is just horrible, too.

Update:

Since I published this blog post, I've received a couple good joke responses to the ad.

Chris Brown sent me: "Dang boo you look hott lets get a drink sometime, call me (911) 352-8997."

Moos sent me: "Hi- Can you hook me up with the hott blonde guy?? he looks like fun. hahahahahahaha."

I did get one real response from a girl at SPU who said:

"Don't tell anyone [Paolo: whoops], but I'm replying to your CL ad. In my defense, I'm bored and a little restless, and I thought meeting someone new would be a great way to excite things. Your posting is the first that does not sound desperate, expecting a relationship to magically occur after a couple e-mails and a coffee date, or displaying stalkerish (I realize that 'stalkerish' is not a word, and I would never try to play it in scrabble) tendencies. So, here I am.

"Here's a little about me: I'm a 21-year-old student. I read the NY Times daily, and take pride in knowing what's going on in the world, and I greatly respect people who feel the same way. I read a lot and I'm good at pairing my friends with books they'll love. I love being outside, I ski in the winter, hike in the spring, and go for a run almost everyday. I laugh and talk a lot, people usually like that about me, but not always. I am best when I'm busy, but I'm notorious for spreading myself to thin. I want a puppy.

"Sorry for all of the random facts, but I just concluded that there is no good way to describe yourself to a stranger. If I've piqued your interest at all let me know. I've attached a few pictures (I chose ones where I was on the right side, to make it easy, I'm practical like that) maybe I'll talk to you soon, if not good luck on your search."

This reply came really early, probably when the ad was at the top of the Craigslist page. Even though Scott's description made me sound like I'm gay and didn't finish high school, I really figured I'd get at least a couple more responses, but then again, I haven't dated in a year and a half now (Has it been that long? Yikes.), so maybe I should keep the ad's success relative. This was a good experiment for why I have no desire to pursue online dating, and Scott, I give you kudos for a hell of a prank.