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I know you all saw at least highlights of the State of the Union address last night. I watched until I realized that W. was mostly talking about the Iraqi Union, not ours. I do realize that W.'s legacy is based on the outcome of Iraq, but our country is still running somewhat unaffected by the progress in Iraq and I'd like to know the status of and his plans for this country, too.

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I have never had so many requests to blog about a story. Alright perverts, let's talk about "sexpresso."

The Seattle Times reports a number of racy coffee stands attracting attention for their attractive, scantily-clothed female employees. At Cowgirls Espresso in Tukwila, Bikini Espresso in Renton, Natte Latte in Port Orchard, Moka Girls Espresso in Auburn, Café Lorraine in Woodinville, The Sweet Spot in Shoreline and Best Friend Espresso in Kenmore baristas are increasing traffic at their respective locations by wearing bikini tops, lingerie, thigh-highs or even fetish ensembles.

The Times narrates: In a short, sheer, baby-doll negligee and coordinated pink panties, Candice Law is dressed to work at a drive-through espresso stand in Tukwila, and she is working it.

Customers pull their trucks up to the window, where Law greets each with an affectionate nickname, blows kisses, and vamps about as she steams milk for a mocha. "You want whipped cream?" she asks, a sly smile playing on her pierced lip.

The next customer rolls up, and Law throws a long leg onto the window sill, like an indie-rock ballerina at the barre.

"Do you like my leg warmers?" she asks. "Aren't they hot?"

These baristas do leave something for the imagination. Cowgirls Espresso owner Lori Bowden says "law requires that employees cover their breasts and buttocks, so there will be no 'thong Thursday,' as some customers have requested." Bummer.

It's not just the customers who are looking to innovate the dress code. "I like the idea of Saran Wrap Saturday," says Law, a barista at Cowgirls Espresso. "Now they've got those colored Saran Wraps. Dude, they could totally make a cute outfit."

I spoke to Café Fiore manager Katrine Callahan about this phenomenon. Café Fiore has locations in Ballard and Queen Anne and provides coffee in a traditional, clothed atmosphere. Here's the interview:

WIB: "So would you ever consider enforcing this dress code at your locations?"
KC: "Um, I don't think so."
WIB: "Well how about --"
KC: "No."
WIB: "What if --"
KC: "No."

Callahan did say that she was consulted by a local entrepreneur about a new sexpresso stand he is intending to open in North Seattle on Aurora (go figure).

Courtney, one of the many who emailed me this story, said she's concerned that she'll be hearing a lot of "Paolo and I are going to get coffee" kind of statements from Scott in the near future. She's got a point. "Going for coffee" has certainly gained a new connotation.

Now go take a cold shower.

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Mondays are tough. Mondays in the middle of winter are even tougher. And today so many factors are working against us that a British psychologist is calling this day, January 22, the Unhappiest Day of the Year.

According to a CBS report, this proclamation is based on the psychologist Cliff Arnall's mathematical equation, which "takes into account six factors: bad weather, unpaid Christmas bills, post-Christmas fatigue, failed New Years resolutions, low motivation levels and the feeling of a need to take action. Taken together, they calculate to equal 'Blue Monday.'"

I'd like to add minimal daylight, day of the workweek and the U.S.-specific tax time to that equation.

Thanks to Anna (who claims today is one of the warmest, sunniest days of the season yet in Bend, Ore.) for flagging this story to me.

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The Strip Mall Mecca (aka Federal Way) is heating up in a debate over whether Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" should be shown in schools. The school board placed a moratorium on the film while it investigates whether a screening adheres to district policies.

The film was scheduled to play in a science class at Federal Way's Lakota Middle School until parent Frosty Hardison found out. He filed a formal complaint Jan. 11, spawning a national debate about the legitimacy of the global warming theory and fueling Daily Show clips.

"It's not that we don't believe global warming is happening. It says so in Revelations," said Hardison. "We've been expecting it for what, 3,500 years now?"

Frosty is a father of seven. He opposes sex education and supports public school teaching of creationism. He's described earth as a rather pubescent 14,000-year-old planet.

"Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher," he said. I'll refrain from comparing Al Gore to a condom because he's safe and diminishes sensation.

The Federal Way School Board is scheduled to meet tomorrow to discuss the issue. The movie could be shown in a classroom if the superintendent decides a screening is in line with district policy.