Dear Eliza, 49 Months

One day, you will fly.

You keep telling me so. It must be true.

I’m not sure where your obsession with flying came from, but it’s consistent. You don’t talk about flying in a plane like a pilot. You want to fly like a bird with wings and magic like Tinkerbell.

Your hopefulness about the prospect of flying comes and goes. Optimism was in the air this morning, and you drew a picture of yourself with wings and a crown. When you presented me the art you said, “This is what I’ll look like when I’m older and can fly.” You also told me you’ll dye your hair red when you’re older to look like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. We agreed that we can revisit that idea when you’re a teenager and no earlier. I should also note this is the moment in history when Disney+ launched, influencing your thinking, and I will gladly pay Disney for all the digital babysitting time for years to come.

Sometimes pessimism and disappointment appear, and you whine about how much you want to fly with fear it won’t happen. We don’t really see people fly when they’re not on TV, so I can understand the concern.

Here’s what I like about your dream to fly: it’s a big idea. Sometimes big ideas happen, sometimes they don’t. But they surely push you toward something bigger and more rewarding than would have happened without the pursuit of the idea.

So I say aim big, keep figuring out how to fly. Take a big leap and big risk to make it happen.

If you fall, I promise to catch you and we’ll try again.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 28 Months

Hey there, little man. You sure are trying to act tough these days.

You demand independence and have to do everything yourself. Opening food wrappers, washing hands, buckling the car seat straps, feeding your beta fish Rhubarb, etc. At the instance one of us tries to help, you sound the alarm of a high pitched “No!” and proceed the task with a furrowed brow, ever more determined to do it on your own.

Unfortunately the one task you won’t do by yourself is clean up the aftermath left behind you. We’ll work on that.

You can bring a sky-high intensity to tasks as you try and keep up with Eliza, who has the unfair age advantage of 20 months. This shows up when you want to put on shoes or zip a jacket, which requires finer motor skills. Sometimes that intensity manifests in a textbook “Terrible Twos” tantrum, especially around nap or bed time.

You are reasonable about some things, like writing and coloring where you just enjoy having the pen in your hand. You somehow hold a pen perfectly between first and second fingers with thumb helping to balance the instrument. We need to get you to focus on keeping the pen on paper. Your penmanship won’t fly on the couch cushions again.

You care deeply about what you wear and are good at picking out clothes for the day and pajamas at night, which is helpful. You most prefer to be in just a pull-up or in the nude with a cozy blanket wrapped around you like a cape for that next-to-skin warmth. It’s a Captain Underpants look.

You also seem to pick a favorite parent for the day, following one of us around trying to play, cuddle or keep up conversation. “Um, Mom…” or “Um, Dada…” is how most of those conversations start or end. For all the independence you seek to show off how you can take care of yourself, you still seek out a lot of affection. And that’s just fine.

One of those secrets in life: balance. Go hard at what you’re trying to accomplish, but also go hard at chilling out.

Love, Dad

2019 UW Communication Leadership Award Speech Notes

Taking a quick break from family letters… here are notes from the speech I delivered at a Communication Alumni of Distinction Event on October 9, 2019, where I received a Communication Leadership Award.

Thank you to Hanson Hosein for the introduction and faculty at UW Dept. of Communication for this acknowledgement  

• I deeply appreciate the honor and to show that, I wore a suit! I am a foreign object right now to my friends and family. I can remember why I don’t wear suits. It’s likely I’m slowly being strangled. I am confident the Nordstrom’s shoe department will be the last stand for the suit. And then it will go the way of the buffalo and judicial wig.  

• The last time I wore this suit was for my grandfather’s funeral 9 years ago. I brought his hat because he was a huge Husky fan and I think would be pretty stoked to be here. 

• I’ve found that leadership is about surrounding yourself with people who create shared success and I have been blessed with that in spades. I’d like to acknowledge some people who I share this acknowledgement and success. 

• First, to my parents, Paolo Sr. and Vicki. This moment is the fruit of your labor. I simply have good genes, as the dentist reminded me yesterday when I had yet another cavity-free appointment. But in all seriousness, you created the opportunity and it’s my job to make the most of out it. The opportunity still feels early, and that’s the exciting part.

• I moonlight as an educator but my sister Nina is the true educator, working in administration in the, let’s be honest, pretty cushy Bellingham school district. Nina is wicked smart and funny, and challenges me. She also has great teeth. The shame is that K-12 and administrators, in my mind are not as celebrated as people in business, and that needs to change. Because if all was fair, she’d be receiving this kind of award before me for the amazing work she has done.

• My brother Sergio could not be here but like all good leaders sent a delegate. Thanks for coming, Riley. Sergio is wildly intelligent, innately argumentative and one of the most fun people in God’s creation that you could hang out with. He’s a little brother but a true peer. 

• I have to give a shoutout to my boys Scott Chaffee and Mike Benson. It’s Mike’s birthday today. Mike, for your birthday I wore a suit and UW pay for a party. Thanks for not wearing your birthday suit. 

• Both Scott and Mike get a piece of this recognition because they push me really hard in a ways outside of my job. I’d be less of an outdoorsman and I’d be a less well-rounded person. These guys help me balance, and I sometimes struggle with balance. Scott gets a special nod, my best friend since junior high. I hope you all have a best friend like Scott. 

• I have had awesome grandparents, aunts and uncles, including Marcello and Stephanie. I have awesome in-laws and they are watching my kids right now. Thank god.  

• Of course, my wife Amanda, my lifetime CEO, COO and occasionally irresponsible CFO. What can I say? All of my successes are possible because of you. You see, I started the Communication Leadership program a bachelor sharing an apartment. It seemed like I had a lot of time to get a graduate degree. Totally wrong. I underestimated my game. By the time I graduated I was married and a homeowner. In between that I met Amanda, demanded that she marry me. She sat in coffee shops on the Avenue, waiting for me to complete my 3-4 hours of classes on weeknights and we’d drive back to our new home in Tacoma together. She is everything opposite me: selfless, thoughtful, considerate, measured. She is the most self-realized person I know and I cannot get enough her. Let’s make out later. 

• It also seems appropriate to share this award with some educators through my academic journey. 

• Hanson Hosein, who I met 11 years ago when he welcomed me as he does students every year into the Communication Leadership program. I appreciate your mentorship and friendship. 

• John Harris, a Ph.D. graduate of this department, who teaches at the WWU Department of Journalism. He turned on the lightbulb for me to think of journalism as a career, and it has paid off.  

• Angela Thomas at Stadium HS in Tacoma. She was the English teacher who finished reading sentences that I struggled to complete reading aloud. Not because of some illiteracy but sheer nervousness and lack of confidence among my peers.  

• To the faculty of this department, I am sure you have students that hold you in this regard. I hope that motivates and energizes your work. Your students will next share this stage. 

• I cannot think of a more important time to be an educator and a leader. 

• I am here, in part, because I work at an amazing company called REI Co-op, where I have been a communications and digital marketing professional for the past 7 years. 

• I have been able to create a couple dozen communications jobs during that time, which I believe is my greatest legacy for the company -- the people’s lives I get to impact and who leave a lasting impact on the co-op and the outdoors doing exceptional work. 

• We have been able to launch a films program, start an online publication, steward the world’s largest free online outdoor education library, create a podcast network and launch the nation’s largest newsstand magazine, Uncommon Path. 

• All at an outdoor retail company.  

• At an outdoor retail company, we are creating journalism. 

• As I mentioned earlier, I was a journalism student at WWU and 2006 graduate facing a soon-to-be dire economic environment, and we were already in a crappy journalism economy. 

• But I believe in the power of stories, stubbornly. 

• I don’t believe my contribution to journalism is to be the storyteller, but to create a circumstance for great storytelling to exist and be economically viable. So we are creating journalism, and with integrity. 

• We create journalism in the interest of the health of the co-op and the outdoors. 

• At REI I cannot imagine a better fit where I can be creative, innovative, entrepreneurial and about things I am passionate about: helping people see themselves in a better, healthier quality of life, unlocked by the outdoors, and addressing the existential threat of our generation, climate change. 

• By my observations, we’ve spent the better part of the last 20-30 years litigating the causes of climate change, and all that did was delay action to create solutions. 

• We saw in climate strikes last month that the younger generations don’t see the same luxury of time, and I don’t see that luxury for my children. 

• I am surprised by the controversy here. The idea of thinking bigger about climate change is about as controversial as recycling a can. And if you don’t recycle a can, you’re a lazy asshole.

• REI CEO Eric Artz said recently, 

• “If we do this right, [in our approach to improving our environmental impact], we will have a lasting impact on society. When the next generation asks us what we did when the world needed us the most, we’ll be able to say: we did our damn best." – Eric Artz, CEO

• Take it from an Italian-American Catholic, the worst case scenario here is something akin to there being no God. Christians are guided by faith to live by the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. If there’s no heaven, no reward, the outcome is that people were motivated to treat each other with respect. People lived more purposeful lives. 

• If climate change isn’t caused by humans, then the worst case scenario is that you did something to leave the world better than you found it. 

• Leave it better than you found it. That sounds like a leadership trait to me and that’s what you’ll find me doing: In my family, my community in Tacoma, my workplace and teams I lead, and representing this academic institution. 

Dear Eliza, 48 Months Old

Happy birthday, 4-year-old kiddo!

You have been very excited for this particular birthday for weeks, in Christmas-countdown mode asking “how many sleeps” until your birthday. You put a lot of energy toward thinking about what presents you were hoping to receive, and you were motivated to practice writing if it could be a birthday list.

The last few years we’ve thrown you Oktoberfest themed birthday parties. This year you had your say and wanted a “unicorn princess” birthday party. We compromised to have an Oktoberfest-unicorn-princess party where you and Mom, and some of your friends dressed as princesses, and I wore my Oktoberfest garb. We had unicorn cookies, cupcakes, beer and pretzels. It was a wonderful mash-up.

You received a lot of great gifts this year, mostly arriving in pink packaging, including a doll crib, binoculars (high on your list) and unicorn PlayMobile set. The biggest hit has been a music device that combines a recording microphone, piano, drum tom and DJ wheel. You love to record your voice in strange, creepy tones and hear the playback. It reminds me of what I’ve been told about myself at your age, playing with an 80s-version microphone that could also had special voice effects. I used to put on shows standing on the fireplace mount. You’re not performing quite yet so maybe you’ll go the studio musician route.

Another shared passion of ours is photography and you pushed pretty darn hard for what equates to a Polaroid camera. “I want a camera that prints the photos on paper right away.” Very specific. We couldn’t break the bank for that breakable toy yet, but maybe soon.

Grammie and Popa are in town for your birthday. They are really great about being in town for your and Matteo’s birthdays these past years. This year, you two have given them a run for their money, acting like absolute animals and rarely listening or following direction from anyone. On top of that, there’s a cold going around the house that half of us have — Matteo got the worse of it — and that’s not helping moods.

I have the cold, but your Mom says I have a “man cold,” which is to say I over-exaggerate the symptoms. It’s hard to say who’s right when she doesn’t know how I feel! Back to sipping my tea.

These past few nights, as your Mom has had to spend more time getting Matteo settled into sleep, I’ve been on point with you, and I really enjoy the one-on-one time. You hustle me a bit to stay up late, usually claiming to be hungry, and I gladly oblige to talk to you about your day and what’s ahead tomorrow. You constantly surprise me with a sharp memory and bigger ideas than I expect out of a now-four-year-old. And when your excuse has expired — the bowl of Cheerios is empty or the book is over — you easily turn over to try sleeping without a complaint.

I am so glad to be your Dad and thrilled by the little person that you are. Your Mom and I entertain each other with the stories of what you do throughout the day because you are so smart, funny and interesting. With your birthday, we celebrate four years being parents together and we’re really proud of our partnership and the experience it’s been. Thank you for that.

Love always, Dad

Dear Matteo, 27 Months Old

“I’m Batman!” you say before springing from couch to couch.

I am surprised the husky delivery in your voice, as if you’ve seen the Christian Bale performances. You tumble out of your jump into a flip and land on your back. You don’t have a cape but wear an equally large grin.

These days have been all about stories and actions imitating superheroes and animals. Last night we pretended to be wolves on the bed. You dug into the pillows looking for food, and I occasionally mixed it up by fighting a bear and offering you dead bunnies to eat. You soon wanted to pretend to be a giraffe and eat tall leaves. Eliza wasn’t having it and wanted to be a moose instead, and you obliged. The entire animal kingdom is fair game.

You are equally imaginative and mischievous. We have to watch you a lot more than we did your sister at your age. Just earlier today you locked yourself in the bathroom, and when I unlocked it and came in you were sitting in the sink running hot water over your feet. That was a minor infraction. On other occasions these past weeks we’ve caught you eating lip balm and trying on lipstick and mascara, achieving the look of the Joker. You ate a whole tube of toothpaste one time. Both you and Eliza are obsessed with Altoids, so I’m not surprised you took to the minty flavor.

Speaking of personal care, you pretended to shave my face the other day with a wine opener. You had remarkably good coverage and had some good instinct to turn my head many direction to get a smooth shave.

In between these moments of imagination and sneaky behavior, you’re getting into more of a fall routine. You’re up early in the morning, usually before we’d like. As soon as you’re awake you’re talking, often trying to strike a deal to watch the morning news (compromise) or a kid show (preferred). You try to get naked as soon as possible and wrap up in a cozy blanket. You have strong preferences for that next-to-skin feeling. You started your “Twos” class with Teacher Judy at Curious by Nature, where Eliza also attended. You’re there twice a week for a few hours and making some new friends. Eliza started her half-day pre-kindergarten at St. Pats, so you get Mom all to yourself three days a week in the mornings! You’ve been waiting for this your whole life!

Whether at home or school, you’re getting to be fairly balanced in how you want to spend time. When you don’t get to watch a show, you can bounce between art, sports and reading. I like the balance. That’s how to go about life the right way.

Oh, and you’ve picked up a new sport: wrestling. As in, you wrestle with your sister constantly. Sometimes you’re pretending to be an animal, but you’re always acting like one. Who needs to visit a zoo when we’ve got you?

Love, Dad