Dear Eliza, 98 Months Old

We all like to ring in the Christmas spirit in our own way.

This year, I put on the Buddy the Elf costume (a big hit), and Mom dressed up as Jovie for an “elf date” around Gig Harbor. Let’s be honest, we were attracting attention as we ran around Gig Harbor’s coffee shops and grocery stores to help bring some Christmas cheer. It was so fun, and your mom got a lot of compliments that she makes a great-looking blonde. I can’t argue with that.

We also stopped by your elementary school to bring sweets to the front office and more Christmas cheer to the students. I was surprised by how many students knew Elf movie lines and recited them on the spot, like, “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” I also jumped into a game of football at recess and made a catch for a 5-yard gain.

Mom and I stopped by your classroom, and you looked at us quickly, smiled, and looked right back at your teacher, as if we disappeared — or maybe you wished it, ha! I get it. Parents are embarrassing enough in front of your friends without being in an elf costume. Unfortunately, you have some pretty outgoing parents, so you’re going to have to adapt every festive season, particularly Fourth of July, Halloween, and the entirety of Thanksgiving until New Year’s Day. I think you can handle it.

As for how you get into the Christmas spirit, it certainly involves the classics like Christmas lists and seeing Santa. You and Matteo are also all-in on your Elves on the Shelf, Elfie, and Tinsel. Every morning, you hunt for them to see where they repositioned themselves, and occasionally, they leave you a small present or a trick. See, elves aren’t so bad.

Your neighborhood friends Aliyah and Austin don’t have the same Elf on the Shelf tradition, so you created an elf for them out of a paper cup and paper so they could join the fun. You asked their mom to move the elf each night after they went to sleep so that they’d think they had a “real elf.” It’s beyond funny how you put together how to make the magic work, yet not quite connect all the dots. You were also incredibly thoughtful to help your friends enjoy Christmas a little more.

Whether you dress up in yellow tights and put yourself out there or just make a little magic happen in the background, what really matters is that you help people feel special around the holidays. That’s really the whole point.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 77 Months Old

This past weekend, your Mom went back to Indiana to help Popa get more things sorted and organized, which gave us an opportunity to show Mom that we could function, albeit for a short time, without relying on her. How long could we hold our breath underwater?

Functioning without Mom is challenging enough, we were also sick. You have had a dry cough for weeks now, and Eliza has a stuffy nose and crunchy cough. I came down with the seasonal flu that included fever, chills, headaches and a cough. Good times.

Despite the sickness, I took the weekend to make sure we had a “house reset” to help keep the house orderly and raise the stakes for your and Eliza’s contributions. We established a new set of chores and a weekly payday on Mondays of $5 each. The daily chores: Tidy your room, tidy the house, brush teeth, dishes to sink, and clean your bathroom. We also created a new “laundry game” to help put away clean clothes, which is a race to see who can put the most clothes away first.

Because we established the new chore schedule over the weekend, I gave you a “starting bonus” of $6 each because you completed the initial chores and some bonus work. Eliza vaccumed and you enthusiastically cleaned the litter box. We agreed that after school on Monday I would pay you and we could do a little shopping.

After counting out the $1 bills, I encouraged you both to save at least half of your payday for something bigger down the road, and that’s where you and Eliza showed your colors. Eliza cautiously counted and put away $3 in her room and and kept $3 in a purse to shop with. You insisted on buying a pack of Pokemon cards immediatey for $5.49 with tax. You asked me that Monday morning to go shopping for you during school, but I wanted you both to have transactions at the register. I’m glad I didn’t shop for you because you came off the bus nervous I had shopped and bought the wrong pack of cards. Heaven forbid.

We went to Bartell’s after school and you stuck to your plan, immediately jogging toward the locked case of cards and working with a cashier to get the card pack you wanted. Eliza bought a $2 bag of gummy candy. You paid cash at the register, and I had to explain a bit about taxes and how coins were fractions of a dollar that surely went over your head. All that added up for you was that chores got you more Pokemon cards. I can’t be mad about your motivations.

After opening the pack of cards, you were happy with the contents, and Eliza shared some of her gummies with you on the ride home. Neither of you had buyer’s remorse and were focused on how to get more money to buy more next week. Back to the chore chart.

I’ll keep working with you on saving money. Bigger things than Pokemon cards come to those who save.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 97 Months Old

This is the month that Grammie past away after a long battle with cancer and its complications. I am not sure how much you’ll remember her many years later, and I want to assure you that she loved you so much and took great care of you starting the first week you were born. Your name is Eliza because of Grammie’s ancestry research and finding that the oldest first-born girl on record was named Eliza Hawk.

Here’s a little more about Grammie from the obituary we wrote shortly after her passing:

We are saddened to share that Sheree R. Artherhults, 68, of Leo, Indiana, passed away in her home on November 4, 2023, after prolonged illness. 

She is survived by her husband of 48 years, Roger A. Artherhults, son Ty and daughter-in-law Amber L. (Anderson) Artherhults, grandchildren Abigail and Mason; daughter Amanda R. (Artherhults) Mottola, son-in-law Paolo M. Mottola Jr., and grandchildren Eliza and Matteo. 

She was born in Fort Wayne to Gene and Carolynn Lowden and graduated from South Side High School in 1973. She studied nursing and enjoyed that career for over 40 years in the Parkview Health system. Her driving force was her love for her husband, children and grandchildren, who miss her dearly. Her celebration of life will be in Spring of 2024, with details forthcoming. 

Here’s what I hope you inherit from Grammie: Love and prioritize your family above all else; dismiss the silly things in life that don’t matter; enjoy your hobbies (hers was cross-stitching); and say things exactly how you see them. There was no mistaking what Grammie thought about something or someone, or where you stood with her.

I also want to give Grammie a big “thank you” because none of us would really be here without her encouragement. As your Mom and I found each other on a dating app, I know that Grammie liked what she saw on paper about me a little more than your Mom did. Your Mom’s first impression was “He’s too young.” Grammie’s reaction was, “He sounds exciting and can cook.”

Grammie was always right.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 76 Months Old

We came to Indiana for a family visit and didn’t know that we’d be saying goodbye to Grammie.

This is the way she would have wanted things. She got to see you, Mom, and Eliza one more time, and she passed while we were out of the house. We all wanted her to suffer less than she had these past few years, but she was a fighter and certainly motivated by the love for her family, including you. We also have to give your Popa Roger a lot of credit for the support and resilience the last 16 years that Grammie battled cancer and complications that affected her lung and heart. That kind of dedication is how people stay married for 48 years. Love can outlast just about anything.

This letter isn’t meant to be an obituary. There’s another place for that. What I do want you to know is that Grammie did a lot of things right, and the testament to that was how many people showed up at the house just hours after she died to mourn and support Popa and Mom.

There’s no easy way about these things, and candidly it’s been a strange blend of sadness and stress to determine what happens next with the family affairs. As such, we’ve been asking you and Eliza to be a little more independent.

You two have been processing things your own way. You put your heads down creating art about Grammie the night she died to help everyone feel better. You have been providing us updates about if she is past outerspace to reach heaven (“She’s almost there”) and suggested we put her ashes in a flower pot. You’ve also been taking breaks watching shows on your Kindle and organizing your Pokemon cards, a new hobby.

Sometimes your Mom has a tough moment and you’ve been doing a great job giving her big hugs to help her feel better. I don’t have a witty or savvy way to end this letter because I’m still in a bit of shock, so I’ll end by saying that I’m thankful for our Indiana family and the memories we’ve had here with Grammie.

Love always, Dad

Dear Eliza, 96 Months Old

Happy birthday, 8-year-old!

Your mom and I had some debate about how to go about your birthday party this year. In years past, we tied your birthday to Oktoberfest and blended the party between Bavarian and Frozen vibes that naturally attracted parents and children by way of either pretzels, beer, or Elsa.

This was the first year that you wanted your own party theme with just girls, so we split the parties up. We had Oktoberfest first, and some family and friends still took the occasion to bring you presents, which you didn’t mind. We dressed up in our respective costumes. I wore my official lederhosen, Mom wore her Bavarian dress, and Matteo dressed as The Flash, for unknown reasons. Only a few guests dressed up, as is usually the case, but it was again a big party and we had amazing weather for it. To help tame your and Matteo’s friends, we played a movie on the outdoor projector before calling it a night.

For your birthday party a couple of days later, Mom put on an incredible tea party. I didn’t know that your mom had such an affinity for real tea cup sets because she spent several weeks collecting them. You and your friends all wore fancy dresses but that didn’t keep you from a dance party before I heard you drank real tea in addition to fruit juice. I only heard this because my job was to get Matteo out of the house, so we crashed at Round Table for a couple of hours playing video games for tickets and redeeming them for incredibly expensive candy.

From both parties you received a Christmas-level amount of presents, so it feels like we’ve spent the days since clearing out old toys, clothes, and generally preparing for the fall. Your birthday is always the first real holiday of the holiday season, and I’d say it went perfectly.

Love, Dad