Dear Eliza, 50 Months Old

We are in the throes of the holidays, just a couple weeks away from Christmas.

Our house has a family record number of Christmas lights this year. After being denied by a couple professional services to get lights on the pitch of our roof, validating my own refusal, your Mom finally found a handyman who was willing and she took care of most of the rest except the pitch of the garage and our porch, which I handled before vacation in Kauai.

Coming off vacation, we went to a garden nursery in Proctor and picked out a tree, making the most of our raised living room ceilings with an 8-footer, before the tree topper. Unfortunately we didn’t have the right tree stand so our tree fell over twice now — first flooding the surrounding floor with water and later crushing the ornaments we hung after wrongfully believing we resolved the tree stand stability. You did a good job helping us clean up after each catastrophe. I don’t want to add up the cost of those ornaments and the state-of-the-art, burly tree stand I bought this morning at Home Depot. Christmas is always an expensive endeavor and sometimes for unplanned reasons like that.

This year you’re asking Santa for a robotic elephant thing and a wand to help you fly, which we addressed last letter. I think you’ll be happy with Christmas so long as you continue to work on your patience with Matteo. Overall you’ve done a good job but every-so-often you take his bait and take a swing at him. You adjust OK after an occasional “time out,” which is more effective at giving you some space as it is a punishment. We rarely had an issue while on vacation, and you were incredibly independent. You had ready friends in the Chaffee twins and were constantly in the water — backyard pool or ocean. Who needs the attention of parents or can be bothered by a little brother with all that excitement and entertainment?

One of my Christmas wishes is that we spend a little more time skiing. Until we can afford a dream cabin, it’s a long day and long drive but skiing is a sport I’ve come to love and enjoy sharing with you. We’ve skied one day — opening day — at Crystal Mountain so far in this unimpressive winter. After some hesitation and nervousness you found your groove alongside your Mom and were really fun to watch. Skiing is the way to get through these (usually) wet Northwest winters, and I think you’ll be glad to have learned skiing at a young age and not in your mid-20s like me. Everything is harder to start as an adult, which is why we’re throwing everything at you now. I have no doubt in my mind you can handle all of it, including flying down the hill.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 29 Months Old

i’m sitting poolside at our rental house in Kauai while you’re taking an afternoon nap in the bedroom.

We’re wrapping up a week of island time with the extended Chaffee family. Your Mom and I have hitched along for Chaffee vacations between Whistler and Hawaii a couple times now, so we are all on the same program. This is already your second time in Hawaii. Lucky guy! We tend to go this first week of December as a way to celebrate your Mom’s birthday. Pools, beaches, snorkeling, shaved ice: That’s how you celebrate.

No longer a reliant, predictable infant, you’ve made your presence known this trip with a loud voice and strong opinion of what you want to do. Usually that involves chasing lizards or roosters, both plentiful on this small island. You’ve also invented a new call-and-response game with your sister where you say/sing “I love you” in a high-pitched voice that sounds more like “A wuv woo” and she replies howling like a dog. That’s kept the rental van rides entertaining.

You’ve walked out the front door a few times without telling anyone, catching us by surprise and causing the closest adult to jet out after you. At least you’re not heading out the backdoor unannounced. That’s where the pool is. We’ve been diligent about making sure the locks are set at all times.

You’ve spent a ton of time in the pool and have gotten a lot more confident with the hours. You’ve been good about keeping your lifejacket on, which is a relief to us. As you’ve been trying to keep up with the big kids, you tried a cannonball jump yesterday, which involved running up to the pool, dropping down on your butt at the edge and scooting into the pool. That gave us a good laugh.

All that pool time and a couple hours on the beach each day can really zap your energy, which is half the point of being here — to try and wear you kids out. We’re usually only half successful and we’re worn out before you are! Today we spent a couple hours at the beach and that did the trick to get this nap kicking. But you’ve spent enough time down today and it’s time to wake you up. Let’s jump back in the pool.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 49 Months

One day, you will fly.

You keep telling me so. It must be true.

I’m not sure where your obsession with flying came from, but it’s consistent. You don’t talk about flying in a plane like a pilot. You want to fly like a bird with wings and magic like Tinkerbell.

Your hopefulness about the prospect of flying comes and goes. Optimism was in the air this morning, and you drew a picture of yourself with wings and a crown. When you presented me the art you said, “This is what I’ll look like when I’m older and can fly.” You also told me you’ll dye your hair red when you’re older to look like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. We agreed that we can revisit that idea when you’re a teenager and no earlier. I should also note this is the moment in history when Disney+ launched, influencing your thinking, and I will gladly pay Disney for all the digital babysitting time for years to come.

Sometimes pessimism and disappointment appear, and you whine about how much you want to fly with fear it won’t happen. We don’t really see people fly when they’re not on TV, so I can understand the concern.

Here’s what I like about your dream to fly: it’s a big idea. Sometimes big ideas happen, sometimes they don’t. But they surely push you toward something bigger and more rewarding than would have happened without the pursuit of the idea.

So I say aim big, keep figuring out how to fly. Take a big leap and big risk to make it happen.

If you fall, I promise to catch you and we’ll try again.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 28 Months

Hey there, little man. You sure are trying to act tough these days.

You demand independence and have to do everything yourself. Opening food wrappers, washing hands, buckling the car seat straps, feeding your beta fish Rhubarb, etc. At the instance one of us tries to help, you sound the alarm of a high pitched “No!” and proceed the task with a furrowed brow, ever more determined to do it on your own.

Unfortunately the one task you won’t do by yourself is clean up the aftermath left behind you. We’ll work on that.

You can bring a sky-high intensity to tasks as you try and keep up with Eliza, who has the unfair age advantage of 20 months. This shows up when you want to put on shoes or zip a jacket, which requires finer motor skills. Sometimes that intensity manifests in a textbook “Terrible Twos” tantrum, especially around nap or bed time.

You are reasonable about some things, like writing and coloring where you just enjoy having the pen in your hand. You somehow hold a pen perfectly between first and second fingers with thumb helping to balance the instrument. We need to get you to focus on keeping the pen on paper. Your penmanship won’t fly on the couch cushions again.

You care deeply about what you wear and are good at picking out clothes for the day and pajamas at night, which is helpful. You most prefer to be in just a pull-up or in the nude with a cozy blanket wrapped around you like a cape for that next-to-skin warmth. It’s a Captain Underpants look.

You also seem to pick a favorite parent for the day, following one of us around trying to play, cuddle or keep up conversation. “Um, Mom…” or “Um, Dada…” is how most of those conversations start or end. For all the independence you seek to show off how you can take care of yourself, you still seek out a lot of affection. And that’s just fine.

One of those secrets in life: balance. Go hard at what you’re trying to accomplish, but also go hard at chilling out.

Love, Dad

2019 UW Communication Leadership Award Speech Notes

Taking a quick break from family letters… here are notes from the speech I delivered at a Communication Alumni of Distinction Event on October 9, 2019, where I received a Communication Leadership Award.

Thank you to Hanson Hosein for the introduction and faculty at UW Dept. of Communication for this acknowledgement  

• I deeply appreciate the honor and to show that, I wore a suit! I am a foreign object right now to my friends and family. I can remember why I don’t wear suits. It’s likely I’m slowly being strangled. I am confident the Nordstrom’s shoe department will be the last stand for the suit. And then it will go the way of the buffalo and judicial wig.  

• The last time I wore this suit was for my grandfather’s funeral 9 years ago. I brought his hat because he was a huge Husky fan and I think would be pretty stoked to be here. 

• I’ve found that leadership is about surrounding yourself with people who create shared success and I have been blessed with that in spades. I’d like to acknowledge some people who I share this acknowledgement and success. 

• First, to my parents, Paolo Sr. and Vicki. This moment is the fruit of your labor. I simply have good genes, as the dentist reminded me yesterday when I had yet another cavity-free appointment. But in all seriousness, you created the opportunity and it’s my job to make the most of out it. The opportunity still feels early, and that’s the exciting part.

• I moonlight as an educator but my sister Nina is the true educator, working in administration in the, let’s be honest, pretty cushy Bellingham school district. Nina is wicked smart and funny, and challenges me. She also has great teeth. The shame is that K-12 and administrators, in my mind are not as celebrated as people in business, and that needs to change. Because if all was fair, she’d be receiving this kind of award before me for the amazing work she has done.

• My brother Sergio could not be here but like all good leaders sent a delegate. Thanks for coming, Riley. Sergio is wildly intelligent, innately argumentative and one of the most fun people in God’s creation that you could hang out with. He’s a little brother but a true peer. 

• I have to give a shoutout to my boys Scott Chaffee and Mike Benson. It’s Mike’s birthday today. Mike, for your birthday I wore a suit and UW pay for a party. Thanks for not wearing your birthday suit. 

• Both Scott and Mike get a piece of this recognition because they push me really hard in a ways outside of my job. I’d be less of an outdoorsman and I’d be a less well-rounded person. These guys help me balance, and I sometimes struggle with balance. Scott gets a special nod, my best friend since junior high. I hope you all have a best friend like Scott. 

• I have had awesome grandparents, aunts and uncles, including Marcello and Stephanie. I have awesome in-laws and they are watching my kids right now. Thank god.  

• Of course, my wife Amanda, my lifetime CEO, COO and occasionally irresponsible CFO. What can I say? All of my successes are possible because of you. You see, I started the Communication Leadership program a bachelor sharing an apartment. It seemed like I had a lot of time to get a graduate degree. Totally wrong. I underestimated my game. By the time I graduated I was married and a homeowner. In between that I met Amanda, demanded that she marry me. She sat in coffee shops on the Avenue, waiting for me to complete my 3-4 hours of classes on weeknights and we’d drive back to our new home in Tacoma together. She is everything opposite me: selfless, thoughtful, considerate, measured. She is the most self-realized person I know and I cannot get enough her. Let’s make out later. 

• It also seems appropriate to share this award with some educators through my academic journey. 

• Hanson Hosein, who I met 11 years ago when he welcomed me as he does students every year into the Communication Leadership program. I appreciate your mentorship and friendship. 

• John Harris, a Ph.D. graduate of this department, who teaches at the WWU Department of Journalism. He turned on the lightbulb for me to think of journalism as a career, and it has paid off.  

• Angela Thomas at Stadium HS in Tacoma. She was the English teacher who finished reading sentences that I struggled to complete reading aloud. Not because of some illiteracy but sheer nervousness and lack of confidence among my peers.  

• To the faculty of this department, I am sure you have students that hold you in this regard. I hope that motivates and energizes your work. Your students will next share this stage. 

• I cannot think of a more important time to be an educator and a leader. 

• I am here, in part, because I work at an amazing company called REI Co-op, where I have been a communications and digital marketing professional for the past 7 years. 

• I have been able to create a couple dozen communications jobs during that time, which I believe is my greatest legacy for the company -- the people’s lives I get to impact and who leave a lasting impact on the co-op and the outdoors doing exceptional work. 

• We have been able to launch a films program, start an online publication, steward the world’s largest free online outdoor education library, create a podcast network and launch the nation’s largest newsstand magazine, Uncommon Path. 

• All at an outdoor retail company.  

• At an outdoor retail company, we are creating journalism. 

• As I mentioned earlier, I was a journalism student at WWU and 2006 graduate facing a soon-to-be dire economic environment, and we were already in a crappy journalism economy. 

• But I believe in the power of stories, stubbornly. 

• I don’t believe my contribution to journalism is to be the storyteller, but to create a circumstance for great storytelling to exist and be economically viable. So we are creating journalism, and with integrity. 

• We create journalism in the interest of the health of the co-op and the outdoors. 

• At REI I cannot imagine a better fit where I can be creative, innovative, entrepreneurial and about things I am passionate about: helping people see themselves in a better, healthier quality of life, unlocked by the outdoors, and addressing the existential threat of our generation, climate change. 

• By my observations, we’ve spent the better part of the last 20-30 years litigating the causes of climate change, and all that did was delay action to create solutions. 

• We saw in climate strikes last month that the younger generations don’t see the same luxury of time, and I don’t see that luxury for my children. 

• I am surprised by the controversy here. The idea of thinking bigger about climate change is about as controversial as recycling a can. And if you don’t recycle a can, you’re a lazy asshole.

• REI CEO Eric Artz said recently, 

• “If we do this right, [in our approach to improving our environmental impact], we will have a lasting impact on society. When the next generation asks us what we did when the world needed us the most, we’ll be able to say: we did our damn best." – Eric Artz, CEO

• Take it from an Italian-American Catholic, the worst case scenario here is something akin to there being no God. Christians are guided by faith to live by the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. If there’s no heaven, no reward, the outcome is that people were motivated to treat each other with respect. People lived more purposeful lives. 

• If climate change isn’t caused by humans, then the worst case scenario is that you did something to leave the world better than you found it. 

• Leave it better than you found it. That sounds like a leadership trait to me and that’s what you’ll find me doing: In my family, my community in Tacoma, my workplace and teams I lead, and representing this academic institution.