Dear Matteo, 37 Months Old

We’re local tourists this summer. Take that, COVID-19. You can take away our big international trips but you can’t keep us home.

Our summer getaway strategy has been housesitting while other people are doing their own travel. We’ve rotated between your Uncle Jeff’s parent’s house, Jim and Cassandra’s beach house, the Broili house and Aunt Nina and Uncle Jeff’s house this past month. That has put us in La Conner, Key Center, (deeper) North Tacoma and Bellingham. It’s been awesome to base out of these different places for local adventures.

The major through line at all of these places has been water. You’ve gotten a ton of swim time at lakes, in the Puget Sound and of course in our oversized patio pool on the weekdays in between. It’s important to get comfortable in water and eventually without a life jacket. There are a lot of water activities to enjoy, but you can’t sink.

All of this water time has really inspired your Mom and I to look at more lake access places and even the idea of owning our own lake house one day. Fresh water is hard to come by in this region of the country, but it’s possible. We’re not opposed to being on the Sound as an alternative. You, reading this in the future, can tell me if we had any success. Mark this letter as the moment we got somewhat serious about trying.

Your Mom and I have made ourselves famous among our friends and family for always teasing a real estate idea but of course never really acting on it. Our version of crying wolf is crying Redfin. The real challenge we have is focus on what we want. Being opportunistic is great and all, but focus is what drives decisions. I think you’ll find that to be true in most aspects of life: education, career, love, real estate. You keeping swimming, we’ll keep house hunting and let’s see where we all get.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 57 Months Old

Summer is in full effect and you’re getting so much beach time! Last weekend we met up with the Ballews and crashed at Uncle Jeff’s parents house in La Conner. We shared the house with your cousins one night and had the second night to ourselves. During COVID it’s hard to “get away” anywhere far or responsibly but that was a nice change of scenery for all of us. The house was right across from the beach and you and Matteo had plenty of time to build forts and play in the rocks. I hear they have sand in California, but really, who can beat rocks?

You also found some courage hunting for crabs with Matteo. He has no hesitation grabbing any size of crab he uncovers but you, like me, are cautious. You found some fearlessness and started picking up crabs, squealing “I’m not scared anymore” through a huge grin. We both laughed. I still didn’t pick up any crabs.

Courage is an especially important trait to lean into. 

Courage is going to be picking up more animals with sharp claws. Courage is going to be making new friends and going to new schools. Courage is understanding people and perspectives you’re unfamiliar with. Courage is going to be putting yourself out there. 

You’re so good at expressing yourself through art and already. The other day you made a “snowball machine” that you said you’d use to make money so I don’t have to work. I like your line of thinking and will continue to encourage you to find ways to support me financially.

Another point of courage will be taking critique and criticism. When you put yourself out there, you’ll get your fair share of it. In the enshrined words of Chris Cornell: “Be yourself is all that you can do.” Believe me, that will always be enough!

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 36 Months Old

Hello there my 3-year-old!!!

You are seriously such a big kid. You are on track to be the first 6-foot Mottola. As you tower over us in the future and look back on these letters, I want you to know that you were never focused on your height. You focused on growing a beard and having big toes. Weird, I know. You go back and forth on facial hair, sometimes being excited by the idea and sometimes crying and defying you’ll ever get it. Sorry, but at 1/4 Italian and looking at your mother’s paternal line you will definitely get a full beard. It’s not that we push the idea on you. Rather, you come to your own realizations and opinions. Similarly, you like to walk up to me and point at my big toes and excitedly tell me that you’ll have toes just like me one day. This will be true, and they too will have hair!

We did our best under COVID-19 circumstances to throw you a birthday party. We took a “rotation” approach and started out with the Chaffees and Jorge early in the day, kicked them out and welcomed extended family. Nina’s family stayed with us through the weekend, so you had constant playtime (or ignorance, depending on the time of day and game) with your cousins Harry and Winnie. We threw you a Star Wars-themed party and as a result you got many Star Wars toys and games and several costumes. I dressed up and surprised you mid-party as Obi-Wan Kenobi to engage in an epic battle with you, donning your new Darth Vader light saber. I took the high ground. You know how the story goes.

The party and remaining Fourth of July weekend had less fireworks than usual, due to all the cancelled events. The real winner in all of that is Greta, who is absolutely terrified by fireworks and usually shivers her way anxiously through the night. COVID-19 restrictions always have a silver lining for someone.

On these birthday letters I am inspired to think a little bigger and reflect on what your year has been and what the future has in store for you. The last year can be captured in one word: Personality. You have a big one. You are loud and boisterous and excited. You fill a room with energy and charisma. I hope you leverage that personality with leadership and responsibility. Our culture and society are in dividing times. Hard to say if the moment is unprecedented or totally normal. Looking back at the last century, it seems most common to have divisions but the topics change and trend toward better equality. We’re going to need some boisterous, big personalities to weigh in on the fairness and equality in the debates of future generations. Bring your listening ears (and big toes), not light sabers, and I bet you’ll help make progress.

Love always, Dad

Dear Eliza, 56 Months Old

There’s a cliche scene that repeats itself over and over in movies and television: a young child sits in vain at the dinner table and vehemently refuses to eat, acting as if the presence of lovingly prepared food presents some danger or peril. The child’s parents suffer through the frustration.

My favorite interpretation of this cliche is in “A Christmas Story.” The younger brother, Randy, won’t eat his food. His mother creatively acts him to eat like a pig. He indulges by slamming his face into the mashed potatoes and meat. The family shares a good laugh about it, except the father who is not at all entertained by the short moment of harmony.

My least favorite interpretation is yours these past weeks and months. Most days it’s a struggle to pull you from your art or imaginative play to get to the table, and we can deal with that. The problem is that you spend most of the entire dinner complaining about what’s in front of you, unless it’s a curry or can be solved in flavor with Trader Joe’s Soyaki sauce or Chik-Fil-A sauce. You make loud-enough sounds of displeasure as you eat or in between the debates for how much more you need to eat to earn dessert.

It’s death by a thousand whines and it’s quite exhausting.

I think your Mom and I do a good job taking turns and enforcing the calorie intake, but it doesn’t make for a relaxing dinner or enjoyable company. The fact that we’ve only shared meals most of the last three months as an immediate family adds some stress to the scenario, but your Mom and I decided long ago that we eat as a family. We will always break bread together with no screens and no distractions. It might be the only time of the day that occurs for any of us, which makes it so important.

You can be a good eater at any other hour. You usually eat a good breakfast, and lunches are a mixed bag. You are always down for a bowl of Cheerios, especially late in the evening — a result of not eating well at dinnertime, usually. For some reason, you are just not motivated by the ritual of dinner. I know you will be. It’s a phase. Teenagers eat. They actually eat quite a lot, and by then I’ll ask you and Matteo to eat less to help with a skyrocketing grocery bill.

We also pray before dinner as a family. We picked up the habit from your school and the pre-snack prayer you learned there. Matteo still doesn’t have all the hand gestures down, and you two interrupt through the prayer to remind us that we can fold our hands in several combinations. Still, I think it’s good that we pray together and eat together if only so that you see your Mom and I modeling the behavior.

And I personally need the prayer to ask patience so that you eat the food on your plate, so help me God.

Love,
Dad

Dear Matteo, 35 Months Old

“Jesus Grievous!” you say in a menacing voice, ready to spar.

That’s what I get when we read Star Wars books and children’s biblical stories on the same day.

You’ve been intensely interested in Star Wars these past weeks — since discovering Lego Star Wars shows — and less interested in God and life’s bigger questions, though Star Wars fanatics would argue the two are intertwined. In addition to watching the shows on Disney+ (America’s cheapest babysitter), we bought you four Star Wars books that you devour and practically read yourself. You’ve memorized every character in the books, including some trivia-quality references like Jango Fett and Nien Numb. I’ve always been a fan myself but am learning about the deeper universe with you.

As summer weather hits, Star Wars follows us outside. We’ve turned Whiffle ball bats into lightsabers. You like to play “nice” Darth Vader and I play Obi-Wan Kenobi in battle. To begin each round of lancing, you run around the backyard tent, surprise me with your presence and somersault into action. Each fight round lasts about 10 seconds of you swinging violently at me before you run around the tent again. We do this 20 to 30 times per fight session. I end up with a couple light bruises, but it’s all in good fun.

That’s nothing compared to the real fight happening on the streets of America right now. Since the death of George Floyd and delayed recognition of Breonna Taylor due to COVID-19, the Black community and allies have erupted with peaceful protests. Some have turned violent or been taken advantage of by looters. These are difficult circumstances to explain to a young mind, so we simply tell you that Black people have been hurt because of the color of their skin, and that’s not OK. We stop short at systemic racism, redlining, police brutality and misconduct, mass incarceration and a lot other dynamics that are complicated. Your Mom and I are still trying to process them ourselves.

Not everyone agrees on the big picture or details for how to address the problems the Black community faces. It’s an American problem and an American process through and through. What we can do is show support for our Black friends and community by joining them in saying, “Black Lives Matter.” This past weekend, we joined a peaceful protest in our neighborhood, among the hundreds of neighborhoods doing the same thing across America. I know the least your Mom and I can do is raise white children to be tolerant, educated and empathetic. That’s why we brought you to the protest to witness firsthand at your young age the suffering Black people feel. It will be up to you later in life to continue that education, ensure that you’re surrounding yourself with people from all sorts of backgrounds and act on your own will when you feel our voice should be heard. I trust you’ll know when to act.

Love always, Dad