Dear Matteo, 88 Months Old

We just wrapped Halloween, and this year was different in a few ways.

We got our decorations out on time but for some reason skipped the pumpkin path and never carved pumpkins. Clearly, we got our priorities wrong. We participated in your school’s “trunk or treat” but for us it was a “frunk or treat” with the Ford Lightning. Let’s be honest. Ninety percent of my motivation was about using the truck for this. Our theme was UW Huskies football and was a big hit for everyone except Cougars. 

As for Halloween day, rainy weather reduced the total number of trick or treaters compared to the last couple of dry years. The kids who braved the weather were soaked and spent extra time by the propane fire at our house to warm up.

The rain didn’t stop you. Last year, you were done trick or treating early after a half an hour as you were more interested in being home to greet kids at our house and watch the movie being projected on the garage door. This year, you joined your buddies Austin and Daniel to canvas the entire neighborhood, sprinting door to door. Eliza was the one who called it early, citing wet shoes and shivering in her angel costume.

As for the costumes, I thought we were on the same page about matching Harry Potter outfits, you as Harry and me as James Potter (Harry’s Dad). However, on game day you decided to dress as a blue ninja to match your buddies. I get it. I also called an audible to throw on the popular Spiderman costume to match your Mom, who took my Superman costume to be Superwoman.

For all your hard work, you earned an excellent haul of candy. We cut you off after downing the first 10 or 12 pieces to save for later. Of course, I ate some too. Your Mom really got after the candy earlier in the month and suggested that we soon need to get all candy all of the house before she eats it all. Sugar is a tough vice to shake.

You’re at the start of your peak Halloween years at age 7. Kids any younger just don’t have the legs for the neighborhood. I saw some nine-year-olds and older trick or treating solo, though I imagine we’ll hang with you into later ages because we like the walk as much as handing out candy. We had a share of teenagers come through in groups, and I hope you stay with it at least through junior high.

When you can grow a mustache, that’s a good signal to consider hanging up the candy basket.  Take it from the guy who wore a full bodysuit Spiderman costume.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 108 Months Old

I am thrilled to say: Happy 9th birthday, Eliza Renee! I cannot believe we are in the last year of your single-digit age.

We skipped our Oktoberfest party this year (I predict a comeback) that served as your friends-and-family birthday party so you could enjoy a more classic birthday party with your friends. I debated wearing the lederhosen for your party but made the responsible choice. After a lot of debate with your Mom about the birthday party theme and activities, we settled on a party at our house a few days before your actual birthday with a series of art stations.

You had a gaggle of girlfriends over (no boys) and had a blast doing your favorite thing — using your imagination with endless art supplies available. To help keep the party girls-only, I took Matteo out to make stops around Gig Harbor and shopping at Metro Retro (his favorite Pokemon store in Tacoma). He was kind enough to pick out some cards for you as one of your birthday presents. We came back in time for dessert — a Trader Joe’s pumpkin sheet cake that your Mom and I are into — and present opening. I wish you could picture how you held court. With the gaggle surrounding you on the couch, you were sure to open every present deliberately, as if you were performing on stage, and made sure to look at and hold the hand of the person who gave you the present you just opened to express gratitude with sincere enthusiasm.

The morning of your birthday, I went out and got donuts in the morning so you could enjoy something sweet and get a song and candles before school started. You dressed in a very “older kid” style that included a light pink crewneck that said “Best Friends Club” and ripped jeans in a light wash. After school, Grandma Vicki, Nonno, Julie, Uncle Sergio and Riley came over for a small family celebration where you got to open a few more presents.

I convinced you before your birthday to encourage everyone to donate to a children’s hospital or animal shelter in lieu of presents. We simply have and get too many things. You embraced the idea and impressed everyone you told, especially adults. We raised some donations but the presents came anyway. The big hit came from Grandma Vicki who got you a perpetually sleeping, lifelike orange cat whose stomach raised and collapsed slightly emulating real breathing. You thought it was just so cute. After carrying it around a few days, we noticed it wasn’t working so well. I think Greta stepped on it when we left the fake cat and real dog in the car. You were devasted to see the subtle breathing replaced by a regular popping sound. Of course, we replaced the toy and you learned your lesson about leaving cats and dogs in small enclosed spaces.

As you’re now nine years old, we are also halfway through this letter-writing experience. Nine years or 108 months down, 108 months to go. These letters are intended to be one big gift to you and certainly the experience of writing to you has been an equal gift to me. Thanks for being such an amazing kid.

Love,
Dad

Dear Matteo, 87 Months Old

The gaming era has arrived.

Last year, I inherited a Wii from Uncle Scott that we gave you and Eliza for Christmas. You two enjoyed playing Mario Kart right away, but never caught the gaming bug from it. You’d play now and then when friends came over. Your Mom and I didn’t mind that because we’re not trying to glue you to the big screen either. You also get to play games on your Kindle Fire, which is immediately juvenile compared to other gaming systems, and we like the relative safety of that.

Over the summer, Uncle Sergio offered us an old Wii U — still more than a decade old — as he said that some of the games were better, and it came with a Nintendo Switch-like GamePad controller. We waited until the Fall months to give it to you and Eliza as a surprise. You jumped into Super Mario World and never looked back.

You and Eliza play the game together every day you can, usually after the school day. Mom will let you sneak in some gameplay on late start Wednesdays, too. Both of you are of equal skill and seem to take turns getting through the hard parts of levels. Because the game is such a hit, it’s also created a new punishment tool when you act out, taking away minutes or days of the game away. Fortunately we don’t have to do it too often. When we say time is up, you’re good at saving and stopping the game, knowing there’s always more to play tomorrow.

We have fun watching you play together. It’s the best part. You are the talker in the family, and there’s no exception here. You often say, “Eliza, Eliza, Eliza!” without anymore context and probably say her name 100x more a day when you’re gaming. It’s like the number or tone of saying her name explains everything in a level and the help you need from your sister. She seems to understand, only replying with the occasional, downbeat, “Muh-tay-oooo.”

Looking back at being your age, I played a lot of Nintendo systems up to Nintendo 64. I remember getting thumb blisters from playing too much. I also know that gaming helped me with problem solving and some other tech-comfort that later helped me with computing. Although I stopped gaming after college (basically beating Uncle Scott at Halo for four years), a lot of smart people I know still love gaming as an adult. We’ll see how much you continue to play. Our near-term parenting challenge is metering how much you play and what games and systems you play that are age appropriate. You’ve gotten a taste of the Oculus and other fully immersive VR sets. We’ll make sure you find the balance of virtual games and real-world games in fresh air.

Love,
Dad

Dear Eliza, 107 Months Old

The new school year started and you approached it fashion-first.

You laid out your navy dress and shawl days (weeks?) before school started, a symbol of your excitement for seeing your classmates again. Mom helped you do your hair in a side-part with a clip. You dressed the part of a third grader.

Of course, we didn’t let go of summer quickly. The weather remained warm, and we spent the first weekend of the school year at the island cabin. The pool is still open and so is the fishing. This has been my second “real” summer of fishing, and we pulled a couple long days on the boat trolling and looking for salmon. You and Matteo do a good job keeping yourselves entertained with activies like creating spider webs across the boat with dock line. Although you don’t want to reel a fish yourself yet, you’re curious and excited when we land one on the boat. We’ve had a historic Coho run this year, so we’ve been enjoying a lot of action on the rods.

Proving more difficult than pulling in a fish has been pulling a couple of your front teeth. I’ve written in previous months and years your tooth trials, and these baby teeth are setting records for being loose without being pulled. Your new teeth are almost completely in behind them, giving your lovely smile a shark quality of teeth rows. Of course, your Mom and I are completely delinquent here for not forcing more progress or getting you to a dentist in a timely matter to pull them. We’ve consistently encouraged more tooth wiggling, but you’re protecting them at all costs. This saga will come to an end in a couple short weeks when you do go to the dentist.

That’s the only thing I can complain about. I am constantly reminded about what a kind, polite person you are. You can make a craft out of anything in front of you. When Amazon boxes arrive (too often), you see future doll houses and cat houses. When we pick up flat rocks on the beach, you see art canvases for paint markers. You are a good friend and create bracelets for your besties. You get ready for your dance classes in the afternoon without a fuss. When the day winds down you can read for hours without interruption. There’s no protest when we finally ask you to turn out the lights because you’re staying up later than we are.

On that note, it’s time for me to wind down this school night. We’re all still getting used to the sleep schedule.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 86 Months Old

Soccer season has begun for the Fall, and I’m surprised that you still have a bad case of coach’s son syndrome carrying over from last season. 

Symptoms include: complaining, acting out, and outright defiance. 

I hoped it wouldn’t be the case, but at our very first practice you lashed out after a toe touches drill (which isn’t your strong suit) and spent the rest of the hour-long practice rolling around crying and yelling. When you weren’t making distracting sounds, you were lying across the mini goals disrupting the game. 

That first practice was unfortunately on the same day that school started, so while you had reason to be exhausted so were the other kids on the team and they did OK. That’s why I have to believe this is a case of coach’s son syndrome. After isolating all of the variables, I’ve determined the clear cause of all of this is having to listen to your Dad in a structured setting after school. 

I get it. To all of the other players, I’m just another adult they have to respect, and I give them a break from their parents. I’m a fun coach they get to see twice a week. As for you, this is just on the continuum of our father-son relationship. The reason I get it is because I was once a coach’s son, too, and still am. Nonno is still coaching teams, just not ours. I had a different personality and was a lot more receptive and eager to learn from Nonno whereas you are more independent and want to cut your own path. That’s all fine, and we just need to find the right balance in soccer to help you be a better teammate.

Fortunately, your symptoms improved by our first game. I benched you to start, which you requested so you could watch the flow of the game. When I subbed you in, you had an immediate impact on defense and made some solid stops. You also found passing lanes and eventually scored a long goal from the left flank. Most important of all, you had fun! We came back to practice this week and while you still gave me some attitude, you participated in every drill. That’s far from perfect but much improved. 

For some reason, you get a little too serious about soccer. You have strong opinions about how your teammates/friends are talking to you, what drills we’re doing at practice, and what position you’re playing on the field. 

As your coach and Dad, my job is going to make sure you remember to have fun. Like with most things, you’re going to be most successful when you’re having fun and just letting the game and your head flow. Tutto passa. 

Love,
Dad