Dear Matteo, 93 Months Old

In a previous letter, I mentioned how you surprised us by cutting your own hair. Since your correction at the barber shop, you've let us know that you want your hair to grow longer, especially in the back.

For weeks, I thought you were aiming for a younger Lionel Messi look, which makes sense, considering his soccer-god status has resonated deeply with your generation. Many boys are going for that style, and some are even embracing the full mullet. Party on.

When I recently asked about the inspiration behind your look, you told me it's related to Prodigy Math, an academic game that looks a bit like low-res Pokémon. For all the screen time you beg us for, Prodigy Math is one of the few we tolerate (and pay for) because of its academic benefits. You have to answer math and science questions to progress through the stages of the game. There’s a character in the game with, well, your emerging hairstyle. You want to look like a video game character—better that than Sonic the Hedgehog, I guess?

Lately, you've been a bit more addicted to screen time, always wanting to jump into Prodigy Math, Mario Kart, or another relatively innocent game. You and Eliza have also been binging Gravity Falls, which is actually a really good show.

Of course, we’re sensitive to how much screen time is appropriate, especially considering the conversations sparked by a show called Adolescence and the ongoing news about boys falling behind academically and socially compared to girls in the digital era. There’s a lot to tempt you on screens, and unfortunately, the vices online only get worse from here.

I’ve made a concerted effort to spend more time outside with you and Eliza, especially now that we have more daylight in spring. I also recommitted to coaching another season of soccer. I’ve said to your mom, “I’m not sure I can do this again,” many times, but I remind myself that coaching is something I should do for you and other boys your age. Because of our socio-economic environment, we’re all too busy, overbooked, and too tired to do the extra family thing. However, the cost of that dynamic is the quality of our children's upbringing, and the "anxious generation" or "quiet generation" we’re alarmed to see not blooming. Programs like team sports can help connect boys with each other offline and expose them to responsible male role models. You came to appreciate Coach Matt this past basketball season, and it was great to see how well he listened to and respected you. The least I can do is pay forward the lessons I received from the parents who coached me growing up. Looking back, I credit sports teams just as much as school for helping me connect with friends. I hope to surround you with the same opportunities. And if, after a tough practice, we need to wind down, we’ll turn on Gravity Falls to call it a night.

Love,
Dad

Dear Eliza, 113 Months Old

We spent a long weekend this past month in Tetonia, ID, staying at the Broili family’s dreamy cabin, which they had just completed building. Your mom visited last year to help Ben and Kelly move in, and she raved about the stunning views of the Tetons and the sunlight that filled the hilltop home from every side.

I love visiting new places, both near and far, and this trip truly filled my bucket. We flew into the quaint Idaho Falls airport, picked up our Toyota Tundra rental truck, and made the hour-long drive to the Tetonia-Driggs area. A storm had been blowing all day, so we were especially grateful for the truck, particularly on the final road leading up to the house, which was a mix of snow and mud.

The house itself lived up to all the hype. I could easily see why it attracts so many renters and influencers for lifestyle shoots. Ben and Kelly designed a home that takes full advantage of its perch, with large windows and spacious common rooms that invite company and provide breathtaking views. Of course, you and Matteo were just as interested in time on your Kindles as you were in the endless mountain vistas.

We didn’t just make this trip to visit a new vacation home; we came to ski those mountains! On our second day, we drove across the pass to Jackson Hole. We stopped at the aptly named Wydaho for a grab-and-go breakfast along the way. Again, I was grateful for the truck while navigating the steep, windy pass to Jackson Hole and the bucket-list resort. We jumped on the Bridger Gondola for our morning runs and enjoyed plenty of powder. After lunch, you, Matteo, and Mom skied the Sweetwater Gondola while I took the Broili kids, Sophia and Collin, up the renowned Tram to the top of the mountain at just over 10,400 feet. We all skied a full day, and the skies cleared from cloudy to bluebird in the afternoon.

The next day, we skied at Grand Targhee, just a 20-minute drive from the cabin across the Idaho-Wyoming border valley. The morning was sunny, and we arrived later in the day to take advantage of cheaper half-day passes. We rode the Dreamcatcher chair to the 9,800-foot peak and were blown away by the incredible views of the Tetons and the valley below. We skied easy blue and green groomers up and down the valley, with plenty of bumps and jumps off-piste to keep you and Matteo entertained. We also skied past a competition and watched a skier pull off a massive backflip over some steep cliffs.

The thing about skiing new places is it’s hard to know where to find the terrain you want. I decided to get us into some steeper tree lines, and unfortunately, Mom took a spill and hit her head. Needless to say, that wasn’t her favorite moment, and it was a good reminder of why we wear helmets! Later, I got us into a bit of a pickle when we skied the Colter chairlift, took a wrong turn, and ended up back at that lift after it closed. We couldn’t ski back down, and the liftie had to call ski patrol to help us get out of the resort. Fail! Matteo and I felt pretty embarrassed, but you and Mom kept your cool. After about 15-20 minutes of uncertainty, we were met by a laid-back ski patroller from Washington, who led us back up the chair and down the mountain the correct way. You thought she was super cool, so we snapped a photo with her to remember the event.

Back at the Broili chateau, we shared our “stuck on the mountain” story with everyone and got to relax for our final night before heading back home the next day.

For all the adventure and skiing, I’m sure what you enjoyed and will remember most was the time spent outside around the house. There was just enough snow for you and Matteo to build a snowman and sled down the driveway. You also tracked animal prints and convinced yourselves you’d found proof of a yeti, due to some large, unhuman footprints in the snow. As your mom and I socialized and looked out the window, we often saw you 50-75 yards away, following your curiosity without a care in the world. That was a great reminder that, while we can pack a lot of activities into a trip, sometimes all you really need is fresh air and a little snow to spark adventure.

Love,
Dad

Dear Matteo, 92 Months Old

We’ve been talking a lot about skiing, but we’ve reserved our Saturdays for another sport: basketball.

Although I love coaching your soccer team in the fall, basketball has to be the most fun spectator sport. To start, I’m not coaching basketball, so I get to enjoy watching you and the game. Being indoors, we also don’t have to worry about the weather. Most of all, it’s a fast-paced game with a lot of action.

Like with soccer, you’re most energized on defense. You do a great job chasing down the opponent you’ve marked and smothering them when they have the ball. On offense, you seem to care as much about evading your defender with slashing moves and quick tricks. That’s all good, except you seem to forget that you’re trying to get the ball and score. You don’t really follow where the ball is going or care to get it in your hands. The fun seems to be in escaping your opponent in a game of chase.

On the occasion you do get the ball, sometimes because you’re bringing it up the court, you’ve surprised us by dribbling mostly with your left hand. All this time, we’ve known you to be left-footed and right-handed. I think that’s still true, and I won’t deter you from getting better at a sport with your weak hand.

You let me know that basketball is your favorite “ball sport” (skiing takes top prize across all sports) and will be the sport you play the most in the near term:

“I might play basketball for three to five years and then baseball for two years and then soccer the rest of the time.”

Good news: sports have seasons, and you’ll get to play a few each year. I just got the email from the soccer club to confirm the team for fall, so that’s coming up. We missed baseball sign-ups, and your mom regrets that we won’t get to see how you could excel in that sport with your superb eye-hand coordination and strong arm (the right one).

We got to be a fan at a Tacoma Stars game that we attended with Nonno and Julie. Nonno knows everyone in the area soccer community and coaches alongside some of the players on the Stars. You and Eliza loved the atmosphere of the game. Indoor soccer is just as fast as basketball, so there’s a lot of excitement. After the game, you got jerseys signed by the players.

I’m glad you’re enjoying so many sports. We’ll let you get into as many of them as possible. There’s no rush to focus on just one sport yet.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 112 Months Old

We have been on a nice rotation of ski days and island cabin days.

The snow days have been super fun with you and Matteo cruising through the trees and side hits. We’ve been up to Crystal almost every weekend this past month. I’m especially impressed by how you’ve been carrying your own skis from the truck up to the ski lifts. This may sound like no big deal, but I feel major relief now that I don’t have to awkwardly carry 2-3 pairs of skis! You’ve also had a great attitude throughout the day, negotiating which runs we ski next and encouraging Matteo on his jumps. Your Mom and I also got wiser, keeping gummy worms on hand at all times to prevent future meltdowns.

At the island, it’s all about bundled-up beach walks and movie nights in the winter. You have an incredible imagination when you're out in nature—creating fairy castles, crab pools, and little shops where you sell all the treasures you’ve collected. Even when it’s in the 40s, we spend hours on the beach because we’re having so much fun. Back at the cabin, you keep busy drawing what you saw at the beach or what’s in your mind. We spend time working on puzzles and bracelets, too. You rediscovered Bluey recently, and after getting into the soundtrack on our long car rides, we started playing “keepy uppy” in the cabin. It’s funny how, with all the toys and screens around, a simple balloon can bring just as much fun as anything else.

Now, we’re heading into mid-winter break, and I expect we’ll keep up our rotation from the mountains to the sound. Before the break, you had your choir performance with other elementary schools at Gig Harbor High School. Your Mom and I sat among the proud parents in the bleachers, watching you sing with so much energy. I was amazed by how many songs you memorized, though you told us afterward that you forgot the lyrics to one and just hummed along. Smooth move. Choir has been a challenge with those early morning practices on Tuesdays and Fridays—you are not a fan of waking up that early. But now that the concert is over, we can all celebrate the end of those early alarms. I bet you’ll sing even sweeter with more sleep for the rest of the school year.

Through all these little adventures—carrying your own skis, leading beachside games, singing on stage—I see you growing in confidence, creativity, and independence. No matter where we go next, I know you’ll keep impressing us.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 91 Months Old

This was supposed to happen years ago and never did, until this week: you cut your own hair.

I shouldn’t be surprised, given that you are your mom’s son, and she cuts her hair consistently. Every few months, I’ll walk into the bathroom and find your mom following a YouTube video, cutting inches off her hair. She leaves up to half a foot of hair she couldn’t reach in the back, which I help clean up. This is all based on her humble upbringing and unwillingness to spend more than $100 for a good haircut, which she can mostly do herself.

After you took a bath, I found the aftermath of your scissor experimentation. You cut your wet hair straight across, leaving bangs resembling Jim Carrey’s character in Dumb & Dumber. You were proud of yourself initially because, well, you did it. You cut your hair. Unfortunately, you didn’t think through cutting wet hair, which sits longer, and how your hair would look drier and shorter. This is also in the context that you’ve been growing out your hair, especially on the sides and back, so the rest of your hair was quite a bit longer than your new bangs.

After cycling through some mixed emotions about the ordeal, we agreed that I could get you into my barber to “finish” the haircut a couple of days later. You’ve been to barbers many times before but not this particular barber that I’ve been seeing since we’ve lived in Gig Harbor.

I took some classic, fatherly pride in taking you to my barber. The barber for some men is almost like church. There’s a community and trust there. It’s where you take your stories and hear stories. Your motivations were more elemental. The barbershop has a pet squirrel named Amanda that they hand-feed when it comes by for a snack. Although we arrived in the 7 a.m. hour on a cold February morning, the squirrel arrived for her morning snack, and you got to enjoy the wildlife while the head barber and shop owner, Mark, took care of shaping your mane. We left a little “party in the back” at your request, and you got a lollipop when the job was done.

Like I told you on the car ride home, seeing a barber is part of taking care of yourself. You’ll want to see him or her every 4-6 weeks, plan to pay cash, and know that your mom will always be excited to see your fresh look. Maybe you’ll inspire her to see a hairdresser regularly, too.

Love,
Dad