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Weird news I found today:

The AP reports, "Doctors in Shanghai are considering surgery options for a two-month old boy born with an unusually well-formed third arm." Leave the arm and the kid will be one hell of a juggler. Bad joke, I know.

The AP reports, "A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital." You're glad I chose to post the baby picture now, aren't you?

And finally, Reuters reports, "Dutch pedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child pornography and sex with animals, sparking widespread outrage." And I thought we had political problems...

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I hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day weekend. I got back from Palm Desert (not to be confused with its gay neighbor, Palm Springs) on Sunday. Palm Desert is a slice of heaven. Here's how the trip went:

Scott and I woke up at 4 a.m. on Saturday and caught a flight out of Sea-Tac at 7:30 a.m. I got bumped up to first-class. Scott sat in coach between two fat people. I was happy.

Gramps and Grams picked us up at the airport. We toured their sweet condo, had a sandwich and went to the pool. The weather was an easy 90 degrees with a slight wind. I drank Red Hook and worked on my tan so that Moos could no longer call me "Powder." Scott and I found some paddles and foam balls in the pool and created a game we call "Pool Tennis." The rules of Pool Tennis are as follows:

Rule #1: Don't talk about Pool Tennis.

I would tell you the rest of the rules but that would break the first rule and I would have to kill you.

After Pool Tennis (We're in talks with ESPN 2 about a Pool Tennis tournament) I took a nap. I woke up and Gramps and Grams took Scott and I out to the Elephant Bar, which has a menu as diverse as Red Robin, but it's double the size. At dinner Gramps suggested going to a club called South Beach. Because Gramps is a pimp, we took his advice.

Scott and I arrived at South Beach (aka The-Greatest-Club-Ever) at 10 p.m. The bar had UFC on pay-per-view so we gladly sat at the bar and watched the fights for about 2 hours. We were strategically located near the spot where people, mostly girls, ordered drinks, so we worked our game there and met many women, including a few bachelorettes.

Later in the night, the club got crowded. The girl-to-guy ratio was about the exact opposite of the Up&Up in Bellingham, so we were looking at about 6 girls to 1 guy. It was a gold mine. Jagermeister provided some beautiful dancers for entertainment, too. I was so happy, I cried.

The club had an excellent live band that played contemporary Top 40 music and, in between sets, the DJ played some good hip-hop. "Golddigger" came on and I couldn't help but bust-out my Kanye shoulder-shimmy, which attracted the attention of a group of attractive girls who suggested that Scott and I join them on the dancefloor.

These women could shake what they're mommas gave them, let me tell ya. I had never seen some of the dancing I saw that night. "I've never seen anything like this in Montana!" Scott proclaimed, amazed - all while thinking of his beautiful girlfriend Courtney, for clarification.

We all took some pictures together, got some phone numbers, and then Scott and I headed back to my grandparent's condo. Scott managed to spend $50 on Bud Light at South Beach and was hurting later from all the beer consumption. Sadly, Scott's cell phone was killed in action.

The next morning, I joined Gramps and Grams at their community's clubhouse to watch some tennis and eat donuts. Eventually Scott returned from his hungover slumber and we played another round of Pool Tennis. Then we went back to the condo, packed up and headed out to catch our flight at 7:30 p.m.

On our last day, at the pool, Scott said, "We need to come back here next weekend. This place is heaven."

"We will," I replied. "We'll come back."

Lest we forget Palm Desert.

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Freedoms of speech, religion and assembly are cornerstones of American society. Unfortunately, some citizens have reached a point where their excercises of freedom disrespect those who protect it. I am saddened to read an AP story today reporting that Congress has to go so far as to ban protestors from disrupting military funerals at national cemeteries.

While I support the freedom to protest, disrupting the funeral of a soldier who fought to protect the very freedoms protestors have the luxury to excercise is just plain disrespectful.

According to the story, the Respect for America's Fallen Heroes Act "specifically targets a Kansas church group that has staged protests at military funerals around the country, claiming that the deaths were a sign of God's anger at U.S. tolerance of homosexuals." No word yet about how Congress plans to silence Pat Robertson.

The act, approved by Congress and sent to the White House last week, would bar protests within 300 feet of the entrance of a cemetery and within 150 feet of a road into the cemetery from 60 minutes before to 60 minutes after a funeral. Those violating the act would face up to a $100,000 fine and up to a year in prison. Of course, the ACLU is fighting the bill.

In the meantime, the Patriot Guard Riders, a motorcyle group including many veterans, has begun appearing at military funerals to pay respects to the fallen service member and protect the family from disruptions. The Patriot Guard Riders are to protecting the funeral services what the Minutemen are to protecting the border. When the government is slow to act, once again, ordinary citizens are stepping up.

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Taylor Hicks was announced the winner of American Idol last night, at the end an impressive season finale episode. With loads of guest performances, the show's entertainment value came from quality musical performances, rivaling the Grammys and AMAs, rather than the hype of announcing the American Idol winner.

"I was in awe the whole time," said my co-worker Karla. "I loved every second of it. I don’t know what to do with myself now that American Idol is over... I’ll have nothing to look forward to – except for the concert and next season, of course."

Some highlights included:

  • A stand-out surprise performance from Prince.
  • Chris Daughtry singing with Live.
  • Clay Aiken surprising a lookalike.
  • Toni Braxton awkwardly humping Taylor Hick during a duet.
  • The Brokenote Mountain Cowboys.
  • Katherine McPhee. The girl is flawless.
  • Elliott Yamin singing U2's "One" with Mary J. Blige.
  • David Hasselhoff crying after Taylor Hicks was announced the winner.

There. I'm done. No more American Idol. I'm now off to reclaim my masculinity.