Pulled Over by the PoPo

Today, my attempt at driving perfection was tainted. In my 7 years of driving, I have never been pulled over -- until today.

On my way to work this morning, I'm approaching I-5 on Lakeway and a motorcycle cop pulls me over. I'm thinking, "Flat tire? Bad tabs?" He comes over and tells me that I didn't yield to a woman and her dog on a median. I say, "She wasn't at a crosswalk. She was in the middle of the highway." He says, "Well, there is an intersection just before that median, so she was at an unmarked crosswalk." I say, "Technically, I had no clue about that." He says he just wanted to notify me and doesn't give me a ticket, probably because he knows that 99 percent of the population couldn't identify unmarked crosswalks, as they are, well, unmarked.

It's a downward spiral from here, folks. Today it's the unmarked crosswalk, tomorrow I'll be running stop signs at 2 a.m. with no lights on. In a month, I'll be transporting cocaine for drug cartels in Columbia. Somebody needs to start planning the intervention. My calendar is open for June.