iPod has several definitions:

  • Everything wrong with Western society contained within a small media player.
  • An Apple-branded mp3 player with a large capacity solid-state hard drive.
  • The most expensive way to listen to music.
  • The world's smallest form of penis compensation.

Call it what you want, but Apple just announced that it has sold 100 million iPods. Since the original product's launch in November 2001, Apple has introduced more than 10 new iPod models, including five generations of iPod, two generations of iPod mini, two generations of iPod nano and two generations of iPod shuffle.

The press release announcing the news contains quotes by Grammy Award winners John Mayer, Mary J. Blige and seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstong who all give favorable quotes basically talking about how the iPod saved democracy and keeps North Korea at bay. Subsequently, Steve Jobs is also elevated to being an honorary 13th disciple of Jesus Christ.