Last night, Sanjaya Malakar (Sangina) was voted off of American Idol. Sangina captivated America with the extravagance of early Elton John, enigmatic sexuality of Prince and an OK voice. But now, the dream is over.
What I will miss most is the the creativity Sangina inspired. I will miss If Sanjaya Wins, a Web site that allowed people to poetically vent their disdain for Sanjaya and American Idol culture...
If Sanjaya wins, I will accompany Don Imus to a Rutgers Women's Basketball game.
If Sanjaya wins, I will shave my whole body, head to toe, and go to the San Francisco Pride Pride Parade wearing nothing but my flip-flops and a tank-top that says "Boy Toy".
If Sanjaya wins, I will never complain about the electoral college again.
If Sanjaya wins, I will chase sheep with velcro gloves.
If Sanjaya wins, Stevie Wonder will wish he was deaf too.
If Sanjaya wins, I will go on a date with Michael Richards to a 50 Cent concert.
If Sanjaya wins, I will tongue wash all the toilets in Grand Central Station.
If Sanjaya wins, I will pack up my children's bags and send them to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch for Blanket's surprise b-day Slumber party.
If Sanjaya wins, Mel Gibson will celebrate Hanukkah with the Jews this year.
If Sanjaya wins, I will join scientology, jump up and down on couches, and marry a washed-up teen soap actress.
If Sanjaya wins, I will re-circumcise my penis.
Now Sangina, back to Federal Way you go. Scott will welcome you with open arms.