The Olympics are monopolizing my evenings.

I've been sleepwalking at work this week because I've been staying up too late watching swimming, gymnastics, tennis, volleyball, and on and on.

My eyes are scratchy and red. I've got luggage under them.

Why do all the good events have to start at 10 p.m.?! I have to stay up past midnight to see if Michael Phelps will win his next gold medal.

Worse yet, I have two weeks left of this. I'll have aged five years in the meantime.