"Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels"


The Wives have a brief history of diets and boot camps in the interest of carving their curves and more closely aligning their shapes to those on the cover of Shape.

This is NOT to say that they need to lose weight. Most men with two out of five senses would find them attractive after a cheesecake bender.

The Wives' latest effort is a major investment: They signed up for a 10-week "body sculpt" program that cost several hundred dollars. Why they've signed up for this is beyond me. I've concluded in my 26 years that a woman will do anything for a more naughty body. It's a necessary quality of womanhood, just like inclination to gossip, affinity for chocolate and adoration of celebrity.

The Wives are two weeks into the program now, and they're up and out the door by 6:30 a.m. four five days per week. The above picture shows the quotes and menu the Wives taped on the kitchen cupboard for motivation. The second quote, "No one ever says, 'I wish I didn't go to the gym this morning,'" was the mantra last year when we all belonged to the same gym. We abandoned our commitments to regular workouts sometime around the end of summer. Growing an extra layer of skin saves on electric bills during the winter anyway. The new mantra, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels," is obviously less gender-neutral and applies to the new season of fitness.

My fitness season hasn't started yet. The moving diet, which includes non-stop take-out food, hasn't helped either. The most aerobic exercise I've had in the past month was a walk to the Proctor Market from our house with Matt Wood and Amanda last weekend, and that was a Jesus walk. I have no doubt this slump will end after we're living in Tacoma full-time. I have full intentions of getting back to working the stairs at Stadium and am actively exploring getting a home gym for my new garage via Craigslist.

But while I'm still moving junk, I'll have more junk in the trunk. The Wives on the other hand -- their junk is getting lighter and tighter, or at least that's the goal.