Scott and I just celebrated a very special anniversary together.
Not our first date or wedding anniversary. Not one commemorating our first fight over whether or not I “tricked him into getting the least manly dog in existence.” (I love our mini-labradoodle!)
No, we just celebrated our 10th Black Friday together.
Most relationships are counted in “years.” I would even be happy if he counted our time together in “terms” like presidencies. But no, I get “We’ve been together for 10 Black Fridays.”
People always tell me that I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him, and I should have known better (by people I mean Paolo’s sister, Nina Ballew, and Scott’s sister, Caitlin Keely). This must be what they were talking about.
When we came up on our first anniversary…Oops, I mean our first Black Friday, Scott needed a new laptop. But mind you this was 10 Black Fridays ago. There were no websites leaking the Black Friday ads. So on Thanksgiving I spent the whole time spending nice quality time with his family as he rolled on the floor like a brown bear looking through the ads. All I remember was being ignored and him bleeding due to his fury of going through all the ads at lightning speed and suffering many paper cuts.
That night it was pouring down rain, and I was forced to camp out on the sidewalk of Circuit City to get his laptop with him. This was before the days of vouchers to guarantee you the item you wanted. If you were not in line, you got nothing and when they opened the doors you had to run for it.
The advice Scott gave me was, “They try to distract you with the bins of $5 DVDs. Don’t be fooled. None of them are ski movies so they are not worth stopping for. Just keep running towards the computer. If we get separated we will meet at the car.” This was not comforting.
When the doors opened, I was instantly confused (being from SeaTac) and thought I was there to loot the place like a Food King. In the end, Scott got his laptop because he is always victorious on this day.
One year, Scott decided he needed an air compressor. I would love to tell you more about this item, but I literally have no idea what it does. If I had to guess I think it is something they use at the Oxygen Bars in Vegas to give you a “pick me up.”
Lowe’s was the apple of his eye this year. They had an AMAZING deal that he could not pass up, so off he went at 2 a.m. to go get an air compounder or air clarifier or whatever you call it. How deprived I felt when I realized that we did not have one of these in the garage. Naturally, I encouraged him to go get one before the neighbors found out that we did not own one.
He came back home with his prize and 20 poinsettias for me. Yes, 20. He opened up the back hatch and it looked like the scene in The Wizard of Oz with the poppy field.
Scott has super-human strength when it comes to Black Friday. If he was a superhero like Thor, Black Friday would be his hammer. He all of the sudden doesn’t need sleep or food and can carry as many 60” TVs in his arms that one customer is allowed. He looks like an ant carrying his own weight on his back. It’s an amazing sight.
This year was hard for Scott. He really didn’t need anything, but he would be damned if he would let our 10th Black Friday just go by without “celebration.” So he went big. By big, I mean he went to the SUPER WALMART on Thanksgiving night.
He begged me to go with him, but could not be convinced. I kissed him and promised I would stick to his wishes and pull the plug if anything was to happen to him. He told me that I actually had that backwards. Those were MY wishes if anything was to happen to him, but I said “tomato/tomato” and let him go on his way.
He was going for a 32” TV for the garage for his ski shop. It was only $98 and he needed it, apparently. I have no idea how he survived. When I texted him to pick up toothpaste because he was at WalMart he responded in a cryptic text that said, “Must abort toothpaste, danger on aisle 13.”
People ask me, “Why would he go on do this? Is he crazy?” The only way I can explain it is that Scott is a hunter, not a gatherer.
Gatherers would casually shop from to store to store, grazing and looking at different items without time constraints. Scott’s style of shopping is a mix of Super Market Sweep and a safari hunt. He would never waste his time on socks or fleece throws. That is the equivalent or picking berries or hunting a rabbit. He likes the big game, like the TV’s, washer and dryers, and electronics. The Best Buy ad is like 6 pages of print of lions, moose, or bears.
Scott likes his life to be in danger. That’s why he went to WalMart on Thanksgiving this year. It was like killing two birds with one stone. He got his TV and can now check off “Running with the bulls in Spain” because he “Ran with the crazies in Federal Way.”