The Fear of Missing Out

Last weekend, we went out in Seattle to see a movie in the theater and have dinner with friends -- on the same night. Crazy, I know. These are the things you're supposed to do before you have a child. 

Between the movie and dinner, I saw the real change coming when we were shopping at REI. Our friends' cart had dehydrated meals, a sleeping pad and new camp coffee mugs. Ours had a stroller drink holder accessory. We were already in drastically different places. I so wanted to be on the backpacking end of the register.

Ever since we crossed into the third trimester, my radius of activities has slowly gotten smaller. A few weeks ago, I had my last big outing with friends mountain biking outside of Mt. Rainier National Park. Now within two weeks of our due date, I am appropriately confined to an hour's drive from home and definite cell phone service. 

Of course, it's not fun to play when Amanda can't. Some of our favorite outdoor activities are a couple hours driving, at least a few hours hiking and often without cell phone service, which is kind of the point. We've got a social circle that gets after it on the weekends. Amanda has been feeling less ambitious as her belly has gotten bigger, but I feel... well, the same. I'm not carrying the same weight. While we're slowing down on activities, it feels like we're missing out on more of them.

Yet the change is already happening, and satisfaction doesn't come so easy when I do get to play. I'm already distracted. I played soccer this last weekend and told Amanda I'd be gone for an hour. Although the field is in our neighborhood, I wasn't going to be able to hear my cell phone if she called. I checked my watch constantly to make sure I didn't lose track of time. I thought, "Will this be my last pick-up soccer game before having the baby? When is the next time I'll be able to do this?" 

I know when the baby arrives, the flip will switch. Backpacking hauls, powder turns, or scoring a goal will be less entertaining compared to interacting with a new life I helped create. It's another step toward selflessness where all of the above is the plain opposite.

The mountains will always be there for me. So will the playing fields and adult leagues. The real fear is missing out on those fleeting moments to come: first cries, big yawns, cackles, blow outs, rolling over, first steps, first words... That's the good stuff. 

Keeping an Eye on the Exercise Prize, Fighting Dad Bod

I am hyper-aware of the Dad Bod destiny in front of me. When life gets busy -- long work days, travel, teaching, etc. -- exercise is probably the easiest activity to drop. Life is just going to get more busy from here.

Like a lot of people, Amanda and I have had stops and starts of various exercise routines. We got into workout videos at home getting fit for our wedding... 

We've done P90X-style workouts in the mornings. We've done yoga and spin classes. I've tried to work out during lunch (becoming nearly impossible to keep that time on the work calendar). I try to get on the Stadium High School stairs a few times a month. We've got a gym membership (on pause) at the YMCA. 

All this adds up to a commitment to exercise but without habits sticking. Maybe we're turning the corner on that. 

I give Amanda infinity points for her motivation to stay active during pregnancy. When she has back pain or acid reflux or just wants to sleep, it'd be easier for her to just crash on the couch all day. But she walks 4-5 miles every single day, often at the Tacoma waterfront. Her single motivation is making for an easier labor (and something about being one of those women who doesn't look pregnant from the back). I'm sure she'll benefit from the time she put in on game day. Amanda has also met some new girlfriends in the neighborhood with babies who walk every morning, so that's helpful peer pressure. 

As for me, I've recently downloaded a Fitness Buddy app that has some good workout programs to follow that take about 15 minutes in the morning. With the app, I am trying to find a motivating way to work out at home now so that I have something to do when the new baby has us on lock-down. Otherwise, the Freshman 15 may have a revival as the Fresh Fatherhood 15. 

The Best Burger in Tacoma According to a Pregnant Lady

My wife Amanda hasn't had weird cravings during her pregnancy, but she's craved some classic foods -- pizza, milkshakes and hamburgers mostly.

That got me thinking... what if we took advantage of the preggo appetite and taste tested some of the great burger joints in ‪‎Tacoma‬... IN ONE WEEKEND? So that's what we did. Six burger joints in two days. You're welcome, world. My stomach hurts.

My pregnant wife went to greater Tacoma burger icons Pick-Quick, Patty's and Shake Shake Shake to see which stood up as the best burger of them all.

The Value of Teammates, Hiking Pratt Lake

I've always enjoyed team sports over individual sports. If I play tennis, I'm playing doubles. And that's not just because I don't want to cover the whole court. 

I've had a couple experiences of working as a team of one, and I didn't like it much. The camaraderie of being on a team, especially a great team, is undeniable. Teammates push and learn from each other. In the best cases they grow together, bond, and create friendships and fulfilling memories. 

I've reflected a lot on teams recently as I've been building one at work. How do we complement each other? What's the best environment for us to work together? How can we positively challenge each other? How do we make each other's lives better?

I recently went hiking to Pratt Lake with my REI teammates (because that's how we do). That time was so much more valuable than most meetings we'll have this year because it's time we got to hang out, be ourselves and create experiences together. It really helps to have more in common than where our paychecks come from. We'll be a more productive, inspired group back in the office because of it. 

You know you're on the right team when you enjoy the time you spend with each other even when the work gets hard, and the relationships you have transcend beyond the job. When I'm an old dude, ready to retire and coast off into some sunset or hillside, I believe I will look back and value the people I worked with more than the work itself.

I won't remember all of the desk time or project or meetings. I'll remember Pratt Lake. 

One More Month

One more month.

Timing is a powerful thing. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis just came out with the song "Growing Up (Sloane's Song)," and it hit me in the chest the first time I heard it. I replayed it. I played it again. 

There's something about hearing the words of a soon-to-be dad talking about what he expects of his fatherhood experience. I'm in that cohort.

The Ed Sheeran hook... "I'll be patient one more month..." That's about how far we are away from our new arrival.

I know some other rap songs with similar sentiment. I'm sure there are some rock and country songs about fatherhood, but rap music is all that comes to mind for me. Nas wrote "Daughters." Blue Scholars had a line: "I'm a more mindful guy ever since finding out that I'm about to be a father, and doubt is not an option."

Doubt is not an option. That sticks with me. There's no turning back from here. I don't have bad habits to clean up like those songs allude to, but it's more about the lack of wisdom and direction that you expect a parent to have that I don't feel I have yet. There's doubt in that feeling, but I am imagining a near future where I will have two eyes looking back at me, and only one of us gets to be helpless. 

I'm looking forward to growing more as a person as my daughter grows in all directions. I can be patient one more month for that journey.

http://growingupsong.com - Free Download! http://macklemore.com http://soundcloud.com/macklemore/macklemore-ryan-lewis-growing-up-sloanes-song-feat-ed-sheeran I wish that I could say that I was in a "better place" when I found out the news. It would make for a far more polished and respectable story.