Dear Eliza, Six Months Old

Dear Eliza, 

Holy smokes! You're half a year old already!

You are a big talker, just like your Dad. Your language right now consists of high-pitch squeals, fake coughing, fart noises with your lips (and butt cheeks occasionally), and "mmm" sounds -- signaling that "mom" might be your first word. I'm not getting any "d" sounds yet, despite consistent efforts, so it looks like your Mom is going to take the first-word bragging rights.

Your core strength is starting to show. Behind that milk gut you have some abdominal muscles and a strong back. You're sitting up a lot more and have good balance.

You still like to stand assisted, and we're closing in on that trick where you stand on my hand and balance in the air. It's going to be the ultimate party trick. Because you're sitting up so well, you're also doing a great job sitting in high chairs at restaurants. We've been able to go out to eat as a family about once a week and you have yet to throw a fit, knock on wood. Your Mom and I really appreciate your good behavior and allowing us to function in the outside world. 

We have been sitting at the dining table as a family for evening meals as well. That's important to me and your Mom. You showed an interest right away in what we had on our plates -- making chewing motions from your high chair -- and that indicated it was time to get you on some serious solids. So far you've tried carrot sticks, green beans, bananas, broccoli and cucumber, and today you ate a little ground pork! My daughter is no vegetarian. We're not supposed to laugh or react, but it's really funny to watch you eat. You can't get a grip on bananas and they fly out of your pinchers. You love green beans and try to stuff them in your mouth. You've brought a new form of entertainment to the table.

Eating solid foods is going to get easier because you're breaking in teeth! Yes, we see a little first tooth breaking through and think we'll really see it in the next few days. You've been a little whiny about the associated discomfort, but hang in there. You've got a mouthful of teeth ahead. If you think this is bad, wait until your wisdom teeth get pulled. I'll help you with that episode in about 20 years, too.

In addition to your development, we've had an adventurous past month. Most importantly, you have a new cousin! Harrison Henry Ballew on March 21, and we had a chance to meet him a few days later on our way to a cabin weekend in Mt. Baker. His little size reminded us of how big you are now. I'm not sure how you two will get along. What's going to happen in the near term is that we're going to put you together for photos against your will (see below). Then when you get to school age, you'll likely be in the same grade and get along fine. Then when you become teenagers you'll have some distance because you'll have different tastes and generally think each other is weird. Aunt Nina and I will still make you talk to each other at family events like Christmas and such. Then you won't talk much in your early 20s because you'll be busy carving your own paths in the world. By your late 20s you'll have become your own persons and find value in your relationship as cousins and appreciate what you have in common in your generation. You'll spend time talking about how strange your parents have become, which will increasingly become true. You'll always have that to make conversation about. 

That was a bit of a tangent. So anyway, we met Harrison (please avoid variations of "hairy' names for your Aunt Nina and Uncle Jeff) and had another visit on the backside of an amazing trip to Mt. Baker. We rented a cabin for my birthday (Now age 33; it's my Jesus year -- Jesus did a lot of amazing things at age 33, no joke. The pressure is on.) and invited your Uncle Scott, Mike, Jaclyn and the Gepharts to join us. The guys skied one day and you and the ladies came up to Mt. Baker to play in the snow. These weekends continue to encourage your Mom and me to consider buying a cabin for the family. I'll be curious if by the time you can read and comprehend this letter we have one. Maybe you're reading this at the cabin... weird. 

With the days getting longer and warmer, you're spending more time outside, and you love it! You have my sunburn-prone complexion, so take extra care to make sure you've got a rashguard suit and hat to protect you, or some sort of shade. 

We'll have more outside adventures soon because we got a new backpack for you (and me). It's called the Osprey Poco and it's going to replace the stroller in a lot of ways. You get to see more of the world from my height. That's going to be our main ride on hikes, outings and vacations to come. We went out to watch the Daffodil Parade in downtown Tacoma this weekend, and you loved being perched high like that to watch the floats, high school bands and Daffodil princesses. Looking across the spectrum of participants, I'd like to see you as one of those talented percussionists in the school band, but you can be a princess if you want. I just think the waving would get boring after the first block.

You also hit the water this past month: We took you swimming for the first time at the Sumner YMCA (because it has the best pool and facilities). You absolutely love the water and pretend the crawl stroke and kick when we float you on your tummy. We've dunked you a few times, but it makes me a little nervous. We're supposed to blow in your face to make you gasp before we quickly dunk you, but every time we blow in your face you smile and therefore take in a little gulp of water when you go under. You somehow blow the water out of your nostrils, which is funny to watch. I watched a video on YouTube the other day about these six-month-olds who learn how to float in a pool on their backs in case they fall in. We don't have a house with a pool where that's so important, but we're going to start proper swim lessons in the next month. Knowing how to swim is really important. We live around a lot of water, and the better you can swim the more you'll get to enjoy it.  

With all of these activities, I have to say I still enjoy our quiet times at home the most. All the boring stuff is somehow the easiest type of fun. Even when I change your diaper, you've been more entertaining and engaged. You grab your feet and clap them to amuse yourself. I pretend to bite your collar and tummy like a monster, and you giggle really hard and grab at my glasses and face because you're ticklish.

Before you go to bed, I give you a bottle and sometimes we binge watch "Broad City," which is a show about two young women in New York City. The show is super brash and raunchy, but I think it's brilliant and laugh out loud. Sometimes my belly laugh scares you and you cry, but most of the time you deal with it. I wouldn't call the characters in the show role models, but they represent a sort of feminism that is complex, independent and unapologetic -- all through smart humor. I wouldn't mind if you became of woman with a full house of those traits. And if you're none of those things, I'll love you anyway. 

Thanks for a great first 6 months. I'll never forget them.

Love, Dad  

Dear Eliza, Five Months Old

Dear Eliza,

Last night, your Mom took off for a well-deserved, hour-long massage. You and I were left alone, no big deal.

Except that you decided to be a terror for 90 minutes, and in rare form. I tried every move in the playbook to keep you happy: Play area, high chair, bouncy saucer, reading, taking a nap, drinking a bottle... You rarely stayed happy for more than a few minutes at a time before you started a progression of groaning, growling, whining, fake crying and real crying. 

The only thing that kept you content was being held and walking around. Maybe you decided you were tired of baby stuff and just wanted to take a high perch like an adult? That's fine. I look forward to you learning some sign language to help tell me that in the future so I don't have to try so hard.

You were acting really whiny and needy, like "Dad, don't you understand that when I'm in my play area I need to face due north and need my toys between 4 and 6 inches away from my reach and in rainbow color order?" You can be anything you want to be in life, but you CANNOT be high maintenance. That's the worst. 

Of course, when Mom came back in her post-massage loose and half-awake state, you sprung back to life. I think you're just in Mom-mode right now.

To the point of last night's event, you're starting to show a lot of personality. You care more about what's happening around you and make expressions about how you feel. You absolutely love Greta right now. Whenever she walks by wagging her tail or playing with a toy, you light up and laugh really hard. Greta is less scared of you now that she realizes that you're less of a strange doll we carry around and more of a person. It's nice to see you both getting along.

Your Mom says you are the most wiggly baby she's ever seen, which is saying a lot. You love to stand on laps and shake your hips around like there's an invisible hula hoop you're trying to keep up. When you sleep, you're like a clock and rotate from about 12 to 9 clockwise each night. You dangle your legs outside the crib to lock yourself into a position where we find you in the morning. If we put you down for a nap with socks on, you pull them off. I totally get it. I do the same thing. Too hot.  

Because your core is getting so strong, now you can sit in a high chair like a big girl and also sit forward-facing in a stroller, which gives you better views on walks. You also like to sit in a bouncy saucer that looks something like a baby spaceship. You swing wildly back and forth when we put you in it. It looks like you're in a mosh pit of one.

The baby spaceship is where we put you when you talk to your Grammie and Popa in Indiana on video calls. It's nice that you get to see them that way, and they should be out for a visit soon.

But it's not like you're sticking around home either. You're an international traveler now! We made a weekend trip to Whistler to go skiing and brought the whole family -- you, me, Mom and Greta. You didn't do anything weird at the border crossings. Nice job staying calm and relaxed. We had a hotel right in Whistler Village, so you and Mom did some shopping while I enjoyed a day skiing. I think you really like the snow and a cool breeze on your face because you are so happy being outside in this winter weather. You were also easy when we went out to restaurants, which is awesome. We've been going out to eat as a family almost weekly and you have yet to throw a fit and force us to leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal like in the movies. Let's keep it that way.    

You were also a good baby for Grandma Vicki when your Mom and I took a day off to ski at Crystal Mountain. That was a long day without Mom but you rocked it. You got to hang out at the Chaffee cabin and saw a herd of elk during the day. Lucky! 

We've got a lot more travel together ahead and some of my work travel that will keep us apart in the next couple months. I'm flying to Austin here in a few hours and will miss you and Mom a lot over the work weekend. Leaving for these small stretches is infrequent but that doesn't make it easier. I'm learning how to feel torn in wanting to stay home with you while also looking forward to the travel, just like before you arrived. It's hard to explain the feeling, so I'll leave you with a quote:

"I exist in two places: here and where you are."

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, Four Months Old

Dear Eliza, 

You are a funny kid. You are so happy all the time. All smiles.

When I lay you on the changing table you start cracking up. If I tickle your arms and shoulders and make silly sounds, I can get you to belly laugh for a few minutes straight. It's like a dance party when you get your diaper changed. You kick and wail your arms out of excitement. If your Mom says, "wiggle, wiggle," you respond with more dancing and shaking. 

We've been listening to more music around the house, so maybe that inspires you. Our playlist has evolved from Caspar Babypants to Adele. We listen to so much Adele right now. There's a Bob Dylan song that Adele covered called "Make You Feel My Love." When your Mom sings along, you lock eyes and smile so big. It's the only song you respond to like that, and it's really sweet to watch. Sometimes we slow dance to it. I think that might be our song. 

I think you'll find as you get older that your Mom and I have complementary strengths. It's a good thing. I have a vision for the future but am terrible at the details. Your Mom has great attention to detail, but her vision is narrowly focused on the next real estate investment, alternating between a next home and cabin. I am holding out on your Mom's real estate vision for the time being, but her attention to detail caught something very important a few weeks ago -- the bump above your right eyebrow. 

Your Mom looks at you so much, especially while nursing, and knows you cowlick to toe. Several weeks ago she showed me a very small bump,that we hadn't noticed before. We immediately attributed it to some kind of bruise that would go away, and I didn't think much of it after that.

But your Mom didn't forget about it. She kept that bump on watch. That's what Moms do. They examine and notice and care obsessively. Your Mom brought up again a couple weeks later that the small bump was still there and was concerned it was more than a colorless bruise. We agreed to take you to the pediatrician, and he confirmed that you had a dermoid cyst. Mom is always right.

The news was a little scary to us. Of course, we were relieved it wasn't something cancerous. 

To be honest, I had really hoped that bump was some sort of primitive, infant zit that would work its way out with a squeeze. As it turns out, a cyst like that is made out cell structures and in some cases hair, fluid and little teeth. Not something you want to squeeze out. Gag. 

Your Mom took you to Seattle Children's hospital to confirm the diagnosis. The doctor there said you'll have a little surgery after your first birthday to remove the cyst, otherwise it could grow more and create a little divot in your skull as it grows around the cyst. You'll be able to cover up a little scar in the future with make-up more easily than a divot in your forehead.

Scars are cool, and this one will be tiny. You'll rock it. Your beautiful eyes will draw attention from any imperfections in their vicinity. 

Beside your bump, you've been progressing really well. You have motor skills unlike anything your Mom has seen before. You're still tall for your age and wearing 6-month clothes. You've been showing a wider range of behavior. When you get frustrated or excited, you eat your hand. I'll take that over crying, and it's kind of entertaining to see you attack your hand like it's corn on the cob. When you're tired, you kind of groan and growl. I joke that you're possessed. In the case you actually are, I'll call a priest immediately. 

The other night you took an interest in Greta. As she played with her frisbee you laughed so hard you couldn't catch your breath. I hope you two get to entertain each other for many years to come. That way, I can nap more. 

You have moved into your own room. Your Mom and I got brave this month and put you in your big-girl crib to sleep at night, and we gave the bassinet in our room to your Aunt Nina as she prepares to bring your cousin into the world. That was a good force function to give the bassinet away so that we don't easily bring you back into our room out of worry. 

Through the baby monitor, I can see that you're expressing a lot of my sleep behaviors. You are a side sleeper! Side sleepers unite! You're also a loud sleeper like me. Allegedly I snore, but I've never heard it. 

We've started to introduce you to more activities that entertain your Mom and me. We went snowshoeing for the first time at Hurricane Ridge! Your Mom and I had never been there, so it was fun to explore a new place with you. We took a short walk because your Mom read somewhere that you shouldn't take your child out in the elements much before 6 months. I politely disagreed and thought that conditioning you early will make you more inclined to tough out weather. I think I was right because you didn't complain much being out in the cold and snow (because it's fun!). 

We also took you to White Pass for a ski trip. We split a cabin with the Broili's and Gephart's in Packwood for a weekend, and you got plenty of attention from everyone in the cabin. You've hung out with your Mom a few times at the Chaffee ski cabin, but this time you got to go up to the lodge! Greta puked in the car on the way up, which was gross and smelly. Poor Greta.

Your Mom and I rotated between skiing and hanging out with you. Your Mom forgot her ski pants at the cabin, so we shared my ski pants. I enjoyed the one-on-one time holding you and talking to you while your Mom was out. You spent a lot of time people watching, which totally makes sense because people look strange in ski gear and walking around awkwardly in ski boots. Of course, I was the guy walking around in long underwear, so I contributed to the scene.

On the drive out to White Pass, your Mom and I got talking about how to raise you. It's easy to keep doing the same thing and staying in the same pattern. We talked about "being present" and in control of how we're living, not just settling for what's easy. There's no fast answer here. We'll have a lifetime of ongoing conversation about if we're living in the right place and spending time the right way and in the best interest of what will make you an outstanding person and make our family collectively fulfilled and happy.

Eventually, you'll find a voice in this matter about what makes you happy, and what's in our best interest. I look forward to hearing it. Until then, I'll take the groans and growls. 

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, Three Months Old

Dear Eliza,

You are growing so fast. Stop it.

You are only three months old, but you are so tall that you fit most comfortably in six-month clothing. When you wear three-month clothing and stretch out after a nap, it looks like your little feet are going to punch through your close-toed pajamas.

You continue to sleep really well and better than Greta, who likes to wake me up consistently for a late-night bathroom break. You have a crunchy cough right now that bothers us a lot more than it bothers you. It makes our hearts ache a little every time we hear it. Mom likes to check your temperature several times a day to make sure you don't have a fever (with the ear thermometer, don't worry).

The past month included two great highlights: first travels and first laughs.

You made your first trip back to Indiana to meet your mother's side of the family for Christmas. Your ethnicity is 50% Hoosier.

Our first travel by airplane together had its ups and downs (Get it?! #DadJoke).

We failed by choosing not to bring a stroller. Instead, I carried you in your car seat through most of SeaTac Airport. Your Dad has fairly strong, well-chiseled guns admired by women in many area codes, but they could only handle so many minutes of carrying you at a time along with all the other luggage. 

On the airplane, a nice flight attendant moved a nervous girl in our row, so we got the whole row to ourselves! It made the flight to Detroit, where your Grammie and Popa picked us up, a breeze. The take-off and landing didn't phase you at all. What a champ. You're ready for world travel.   

Grammie and Popa hosted a lovely Christmas. A stranger would have thought you were the second coming of baby Jesus for all the visitors that came to see you. It was a parade of family and friends. We exchanged gifts. I hooked you and Mom up with some new Patagonia outerwear, and I got a Kindle to insure I remain literate so that I can teach you to read in a few years. You also received some fun rattles that you played with right away because your little pinchers are starting grasp whatever is put in front of them. The day after Christmas, we ate a maple bar for Gramps, per tradition, while you focused on eating your hands.  

You met two great-grandmothers, Barbara Artherhults and Carolynn Lowden (Grandma Chicken) and only remaining great-grandfather, Carl Artherhults. You are a very lucky little girl to have met all four of your great-grandmothers. 

Our flight back home from Indiana wasn't quite as easy as the first time. We shared the row this time, so your Mom was crammed in the window seat with you and your Boppy (baby cushion). I was stuck in the middle. We traded off trying to keep you happy. You were for the most part. Your Mom was really concerned about a blow-out diaper but you pardoned us from that. Many thanks. 

We spent New Years Eve at the Chaffee cabin, and I skied at Crystal Mountain on New Year's Day while you hung out with Aunt Courtney, Bridger and Bennett. You saw some elk for the first time! Mom has the picture to prove it. The Northwest is full of great, wild creatures. Only pet Greta.

Just a few days after the New Year, you surprised us with your greatest feat yet: laughing. 

Not just laughing, but belly laughing. 

A neighbor, Teri, came over to update us on what's been happening around the neighborhood and for some reason you thought that was the funniest thing. She was wearing a funny winter hat, and I think that's what set you off. You laughed hard for a few minutes off and on. I couldn't stop laughing as a result. We grabbed a phone and caught the last of your chuckles on video. It was the most wonderful sound. It was a great laugh. 

There's not enough laughter in the world, so keep laughing and you'll make it a better place.

Love, Dad 

Dear Eliza, Two Months Old

Dear Eliza,

You are growing so fast! Sometimes I wish I could just stop time and enjoy more of you at this age, but as you grow and engage more with the world each day you are even more fun. I'm torn!

You are starting to really track people with your eyes and at further distances. You have amazing eye contact, which will serve you well in life. You realized you have hands and are starting to use them, especially during nursing and bottle feeding. When I hold you, you grab my shirt collar and usually a batch of chest hair with it. Ouch. You still can't speak English. 

You are starting to giggle and laugh! Your Mom and I make silly noises to solicit this, and when you reward us it is the absolute highlight of the day. I cannot stop smiling when you do.

You got your first round of shots yesterday at your 8-week appointment. I didn't attend, but Mom says you did great. You are also super healthy! The doctor says your motor skills are really advanced and you're in the 89th percentile for height, 76% for weight and 51% for head circumference. Nice work. Mom is always a little worried about her milk supply but you're proving things are just fine. It's astonishing that you can grow so much just with mother's milk. For a stretch in college I primarily ate chicken nuggets. I don't think it was as healthy an option.

I have been sick the last week and I've been trying to keep you from catching this lingering cold. The first few days I kept my distance from you and didn't touch you, which was really hard. The last few days I've been more liberal and have gotten back to holding you and bottle feeding you. I figure you catch the cold, your immunity system will build up that much faster. 

I've felt these last few weeks like I've been working a lot, or rather work has taken a lot of my attention. I realize it more now that you're here and I can be spending the time with you. I shouldn't complain. Other people have jobs that require them to work longer hours and with inconvenient commutes that keeps them away from home. I think I have a good system now. I wake up fairly early, around 5 a.m., and start work a couple hours before I actually leave for the office. That way, I don't have to work as often after 5 p.m. when I get home and I can focus on you and Mom. 

I wonder about what work will be like for you. Depending on your career choice, you may be able to have a very flexible work schedule and maybe not have to go to an office at all. Maybe the idea of "careers" will be different. I hope at the very least we will be more culturally favorable of a 4-day work week and companies will provide more holiday, vacation and parental leave time. Some tech companies are very advanced on that front. Some European and Nordic countries really have it right. I wouldn't mind if you decided to work in a foreign country one day if those perks aren't here. I'd surely visit or perhaps follow you there. 

Speaking of tech companies, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg stole my idea. He recently wrote a publicly-facing letter to his newborn daughter, Max. I'm not sure it's coincidence this happened shortly after I wrote my first letter to you. I'll forgive him for stealing the idea only because he also announced he's planning to donate about $45 billion to causes that will benefit your generation.

I'm not that rich, but the first time you read this letter, ask me for $45 and I'll give it to you on the spot. 

Love, Dad