Dear Eliza, 25 Months Old

Just when I feel like I'm getting the hang of this parenting thing, you hit another stage and I hit the success reset button. 

You are a walking, talking, running, jumping, defiant, jubilant two-year-old.

You like to have long-winded, mumbly conversations -- not unlike me.

When I get up in the morning, you tell me about how your day should be. You insert multiple names and actions in your sentences, such as "Mommy go to zoo, Daddy go to zoo, Matteo go to zoo. See elephant, see tiger, see seals. No see monkeys." You got it. When I get home from work (you still think I work on an airplane), you talk about your day and I quiz you about what happened at pre-school. Instead of recounting your day, you request watching "Moana" or "Sing" or at least listening to those soundtracks.

A lot of our conversations are about trading, especially at mealtime.

"Will you eat one more bite?" I ask. You turn your head away with a pout.

"Do you want to watch a movie tonight?" I rebut. You lean forward with mouth open and gladly start chewing.

Your motor skills are improving. We practiced sign language from your Mom's second grade instruction book and you loved it. You can now start to isolate fingers to make signs, and you have an easier time mimicking gestures. We got you a large rubber ball and when we play catch you can really catch it. You still have a heck of a throwing arm, like your Mom.

You got your first haircut! Your hair was growing really long in the back, so we needed to even things out and keep your look on point. We went to Rudy's in Proctor. To keep the peace, we took advantage of your passion for "Elmo's World" and let you hold Mom's phone to watch the show the entire haircut. You didn't complain at all or cry, and your hair turned out great. I only cried once. 

Halloween was a couple weeks ago, and you went trick or treating for the first time dressed as a beautiful butterfly, matching your Mom. Matteo and I dressed as chefs. We went over to Bridger and Bennett's neighborhood where the Halloween scene was insane with hundreds of kids out in costume. It was the American Dream. You were initially scared by all those people and some intense houses, but managed to find the courage, and a hand to hold, to walk up and ask for candy. You went to about a dozen houses and with each one found that it was worth the fear to get the prize. That dynamic can be applied to life in general kiddo.

Out in the big wide world there's something more scary and disturbing happening. In the media, a lot of women are saying that famous, powerful men took advantage of them. This is serious stuff.

You might first encounter kids at school who aren't nice to you when they actually really like you. Maybe a boy will chase you at recess and you won't like it. Or maybe you will. Young kids are constantly learning how to express themselves and their feelings appropriately, and that takes years to get right. We already see kids -- yourself included -- at pre-school acting funny as you learn how to interact. Some people become adults without figuring it out, or are wired in a way where they can't, or they make big-deal mistakes that hurt people. It will be important that we -- you, me and your Mom -- have really open conversation about when people around you make you feel uncomfortable and we talk about that right away. In most cases, it will be OK. You'll have those relationships where you don't like people as much as they like you, and vice-versa, but we'll want to make sure it's not more intense than that. Your brother won't be immune to those scenarios, and you'll have a big sister role in being a support for him, too.

Thank God this parenting thing is one big, constant progression. I'm enjoying getting better at our multi-character conversations and horse-trading and the relatively simplicity of that. Let's go watch "Moana" for the 16th time this month. 

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, Four Months Old

This is a first. You're helping me write a letter. You're sitting on my lap, chewing on your thumb and trying to get comfortable. Perhaps this is your creative process. 

You can't quite sit up on your own... whoa, there you go. You almost landed your face on the keyboard just now. You still have a bobblehead like balance, leaning to and fro and eventually finding center. You also like to act as if you're on an invisible elliptical machine, pedaling your hands and feet in the air like you're targeting a calories per hour rate. That's making the typing a little slow on my end. 

I'm feeling a lot better than just hours before. This has been an exceptionally challenging last 24 hours as your Mom and I caught the same stomach bug at the same time! We're used to you spitting up all the time. Your Mom and I, not so much.

The stomach bug came out of nowhere. I was up in Bellevue yesterday morning for a conference and your Mom was home with you and Eliza, like usual. She sent me a text with all the sickness emojis mid-morning, so I turned around to head home. On the hour-long drive, I realized I wasn't feeling well either and actually took surface streets the last 10 miles so I could pull over if needed. I barely made it into the house before tossing my cookies. I'm down about 10 lbs. over the last day. The only upside is I can start to see my abdomen definition again. 

Usually, when one parent is sick you can rely on the other, but in this case we were pretty much screwed, trading trips to the bathroom. We did what every parent does and turned on the TV to maintain the peace. Eliza watched a record 12 hours of TV and movies yesterday. If she blames us for any academic failures in the future, she can start there.

Side note: You got bored and fussy watching me type, so I handed you off to Mom.

At your age, you don't care much about screens so you were much easier to manage though our sickness. You have been bothered by a head cold the last couple days and it makes me sad to hear your little cough trying, unsuccessfully, to get the gunk out. 

I can't remember being as sick as I have this last year. I hear that I should expect to be sick until you kids are in high school, so this must be the start of it. 

Your Nonno, a renown germophobe, used to pester about washing hands and could sometimes be seen bleaching door handles. I totally get it now. Your Mom was spraying diluted bleach all over the house earlier today. 

My advice to you, young man, is to keep your body and mind healthy when you get older. Wash your hands. Don't pick you nose or touch your eyes. Stay home when you're sick and rest. Floss your damn teeth (when they come in eventually). Make time to exercise and stay in shape. You're off to a good start with the invisible elliptical. Do yoga. Meditate and/or pray. Find quiet time. Make time for sleeping and midday naps -- you're off to a great start with those.

Take care of yourself and you will be more able to take care of others. Your Mom and I are getting our strength and appetites back now, so we get to spend more energy taking care of you. 

Love, Dad  

Dear Eliza, 24 Months Old

Happy birthday kiddo! Today you are two!

I am so happy we spent this special day together. The morning started out with the gift of bacon and a birthday donut. Most days aren't going to start much better than that. We sang "Happy Birthday" twice so you could blow out the candles out a couple times.

I stayed home from work, and we all went to pre-school for your special day. Your Grandma Vicki joined the fun. You got to wear a crown and the class sang you "Happy Birthday" again. Lucky duck. Your Mom created a special booklet about you that Teacher Judy showed to the class. It included your handprints, original art and pictures of family. You acted a little shy with all the attention, but you didn't cry under the pressure. Good job. 

Tonight we ate gnocchi for your birthday dinner. You pronounce gnocchi very well, likely better than 98 percent of all Americans. You thought your birthday was yesterday and asked for pizza then, which we ordered for you anyway. Pizza and pasta back-to-back is my kind of Italian diet. It's a carb-induced way to get back into the swing of things at home.

This past week, your Mom and I felt brave and flew us all out to Indiana (by way of Chicago) so Matteo could meet our extended family. We used buddy passes from your Grandma Vicki and Papa Steve to pay low fares and take open seats on flights. As a result, the flight times were not favorable and we ended up taking a redeye flight on the way out to Chicago. You were supposed to sleep but instead stayed up the entire night, too excited to be on an airplane and hold my happiness for ransom until you could watch Elmo on the laptop. You loved seeing all the airplanes at both Sea-Tac and Chicago airports and loved pronouncing "Chi-ca-go" over and over. You can obsess over three-syllable words.

That was a long night to get through, but the payoff was that you were so exhausted the next day you fell asleep on my chest. I'll take a sleepless night for some sleepy cuddles.  

One of the highlights of the trip was going to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. They had awesome exhibits and the animals were close up. You always love water animals and were enthusiastic at the sea lion tank watching them lap back and forth. My favorite part was the walk-through kangaroo exhibit. The zoo had a couple rides, too. You were so elated to be on a "choo choo train" and enjoyed the lazy river ride through the Australian exhibit. When we were in line you kept saying "boat-a ride-a" like an Italian speaking English. 

Your all-time favorite phrases right now are "No Daddy" or "Hold you Daddy." In both cases, I have my hands full. If I ask you any question, it's usually a "No," almost out of principle. You used those phrases a lot in Indiana. It takes you a little while to warm up to people you haven't seen for awhile, so I got a good arm workout.

The same thing happened today at preschool. You said "Hold you Daddy" over and over. You didn't care about the kids. You just wanted to perch high in my arms and get some Dad time, a weekday rarity. I'll take what I can get, too. 

Love, Dad 

Dear Matteo, Three Months Old

You are such a smiley little guy. I can't handle it.

You have good eye contact, and whenever we lock eyes you're so satisfied to capture my attention that it makes you twist into big, gummy smile. Keep up that behavior and extend it to everyone you see. We need more people in the world who will look a stranger in the eye and give the gift of a smile. 

Though you always have eyes for your Mom, you've become entertained by Eliza and watch for her, too. We have a hard time getting Eliza not to pull, jump, or otherwise clobber you, but you don't mind at all. Whenever she starts to rough-house you just smile and cackle at her, egging her on. I'm glad you two are off to such a good start. 

The only time you're unhappy is in the early evenings. We call it your "witching hour" because that's when you turn into a screechy, slightly uncontrollable infant that demands something that we can't quite figure out. You eventually calm down and turn into a pumpkin again, but it's touch-and-go there for an hour or two.

You are sleeping really well and through the night most of the time. THANK YOU. 

Last weekend we made our annual getaway to Lopez Island, and you went on your first ferry ride. In past years we camped at Spencer Spit but opted for a cabin to make life easier. We invited the Ballews to join us, so you also got to spend time with cousin Harry. 

Selfishly, that trip was exactly what I needed. Life has been feeling busy. There was a moment that first day when we were settling into the cabin and I felt like a ton of bricks. I couldn't move off the couch out of plain exhaustion. You couldn't move because you're a baby. We were both tired for different reasons -- me, lack of sleep and a little stress; you, milk drunk -- and eventually nodded off. 

When I woke up, you were still asleep on my chest and all was right in the world. All the schedules, emails, appointments and pending decisions went away in that moment. I felt thankful to have a little buddy who shared my passion for naps. The world also needs more naps, or at least I do. 

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 23 Months Old

The days are getting shorter. We're starting to get cooler weather and rain in the forecast, which is a good thing for all the forest fires happening in the mountains. Despite playing it close to home due to your brother's age, I'd like to think we made the most out of summer. 

We didn't go on any official camping trips, but we had a tent pitched in the backyard for several weeks. You used it as a default playhouse, and we spent a total of four nights outside! We had a couple false starts because it was too light too late, but these last weeks have worked out better with your sleep schedule. I learned the trick was to remove everything from the tent that would distract you, which is pretty much everything you don't sleep on. I hung some "special lights" (strand of twinkle lights), that you became quite obsessed with and focused your busy little mind so you could get to sleep easier.

You fell asleep once I could get you to stop talking.  

You talk all the time. All the time. Motormouth. I have a reputation of being rather extroverted, always saying what's on my mind. You are my child in this respect. You have a complete language now, though I can only understand 70 percent of it without your Mom translating for me. She gets twice the exposure to your language so is totally fluent. You're stringing together multiword sentences with subjects and verbs, though missing most other parts of speech. That's OK. Your soft, mumbled, cavegirl language gets the point across most of the time.

Of course, the summer was also filled with a lot of time at the parks, beaches and zoo. You have strong opinions about where you go and what you do. This includes what you wear to those places. Yesterday, we went to the Puyallup Fair and you were sporting some Wayfarer shades and a demin jacket, a dress and leggings. You looked hip as shit and definitely outdressed the rest of us. I expect this will continue. On the subject of the fair, you went on your first ride -- a slow boat -- and ate your first fair scone! You are such a Northwest kid and I love it!

The end of summer also means school is starting. UPS students have been back in class for a couple weeks, and Tacoma schools started. We are putting you into pre-pre-school at Narrows Co-op starting next week. You'll go twice a week for a few hours. We took you to the sign-up day and I thought, "Holy shit my kid is starting school." You're still so little to me but your life is really starting as you get more exposure to the world and its systems, like education. We're excited for you to get a little more social time with other kids and start to get challenged by other adults, like Teacher Judy (not to be confused with Judge Judy, who you can also learn from). We know you've got the chops to start school. You can count to 15 and cut corners counting to 20. You know your alphabet and several songs. You're also starting to "read" books back to us, reciting select book pages from memory and showing the book away from you like you see at library story time. Let's start some college applications.

Factors like schools and our small house have caused your Mom and I to think hard about the next few years. We went on a real estate hunt in the last month, which isn't so unusual with your Mom's passion for open houses and the Redfin app. We put an offer on a great house in Maple Valley but lost it in this crazy competitive real estate market. The house was great -- bigger, big property, newer construction, mother-in-law downstairs -- and Maple Valley is a great place to live -- great schools, good community vibe, lake access, etc. Losing the house was a good thing. I wasn't ready to leave Tacoma. I wasn't sure we should buy in such a high market when we can be comfortable at our current cost of living. Instead of trying to make another house work, we've decided to make this old house work. We've got contractors coming in to bid us on adding a bathroom upstairs so we can put you and eventually Matteo up there. We're also going to raise the drop ceilings downstairs, which has been your Mom's #1 aesthetic request. Happy wife, happy life. 

So, you'll continue to be a Tacoma resident. Looking back at summer, that's totally awesome. 

Considering that we're spending a bunch of money to add a bathroom, could please embrace potty training? The photo in this letter is evidence that we're trying. We'd love to get down to one kid in diapers, which means you need to get on the program, sister. Fewer diapers, happy life.

Love, Dad