I'm leaving shortly for my office holiday party. I've read a few articles about this awkward, cultural phenomenon and have compiled my own Top 10 list of things not to do at office holiday parties. Take notes.

  1. Do not skip it. You can't kiss ass if you're not there.
  2. Do not underdress. I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Whoops.
  3. Do not be a wallflower or stick with one group of people. Clicks are so high school.
  4. Do not make suprising announcements, like "I'm quitting" or "I'm an ex-convict."
  5. Do not tell the same story over and over. It's an easy trap to fall into when you're making small-talk, but it can also be embarrassing when you tell someone the same story twice on the same day.
  6. Do not forget to socialize with your boss.
  7. Do not forget about the non-Christian holidays. Wear a Santa hat and hold a menorah.
  8. Do not make out with co-workers -- until after the party.
  9. Do not get shitfaced drunk. Just get regular-Friday-night drunk.
  10. Do not listen to rule #9. Go ahead and get shitfaced drunk.