The nose of a 10-year-old

Here we go again. This time Iโ€™m at work. Two days ago it was on the airplane from New York. Last week it was in the shower. I have the body of a Greek god and the nose of a 10-year-old. Yes, I get bloody noses. Add that to my nerd resume.

Ironically I never got bloody noses when I was a little dude. I even BROKE MY NOSE when I was 10 years old and IT DIDNโ€™T BLEED when I broke it. I started having random bloody nose episodes in college and have since had them occasionally throughout my 20s.

Iโ€™ve noticed two major trends contributing to my nose leaks. First, the time of the year. This late winter season is the worst because the air is so dry. I am seriously thinking about investing in a humidifier for the bedroom so that my nose can get some moisture at night. Second, my stress level. I was stressed as shit this last week with work and wedding preparations and that probably pushed my blood pressure up. On the day that I proposed to Amanda I had a terrible bloody nose before we left. Not my most suave moment, I know.

While Iโ€™m not a striking image of my Dad, I seemed to have inherited his nose because he grew up with bloody noses and actually had his nose cauterized. Iโ€™m reaching a point where I probably need the same procedure. (Iโ€™d also like to thank Dad at this time for the loose shoulders. Canโ€™t wait to get mine stapled down!) I always bleed out of my left nostril and I just want the damn thing replaced at this point.

Bloody noses used to freak me out because I have a weak stomach, but now Iโ€™m somewhat used to them. What annoys me is that lingering taste of pennies. Oh, and you know what else I donโ€™t like? That tampons are the best way to stop bloody noses. It makes sense and all, but I really hate walking past a mirror and seeing a tampon up my nose.

I want to stop at the mirror and say, โ€œIโ€™m good enough, Iโ€™m smart enough, and gosh darnit, I have a tampon up my nose.โ€

This was not what I pictured adulthood being like.