There’s a popular book right now called, “Go the F*ck to Sleep.” Every parent has a copy of this book because it’s new and naturally funny to gift new parents. The famed burden of parenthood is sleep deprivation.
Your Mom and I survived what were supposed to be the more difficult sleepless nights of your baby years, but suddenly you’ve decided to become a restless toddler. You regularly went to sleep at a pleasant 7:30 p.m. for months but those nights are long gone. These days you don’t agree to sleep until 9 p.m., 10 p.m., or one night a couple weeks ago at 1 a.m.! And you’re getting up once or twice a night! What gives?!
Our friend Halley said a restless toddler could be a sign of a highly intelligent kid. Back-pay me in college scholarships for this burden, please. Sleepless time is money.
Putting you to sleep has become a bigger chore. We still put you in the straight-jacket of a backwards sleep sack that you can’t take off, but you’re tall enough to climb out of your crib. We moved you upstairs into Eliza’s room so you could have each other’s company — and we could reclaim the downstairs. You stand at the top of the stairs at the child gate and bark orders at us for minutes that seem like days. It’s not that we are going to go to bed that much earlier if you did, it’s that we need a break at night from the non-stop parenting! Sometimes we hold our ground. Sometimes we give in and bring you into our bed, or usually your Mom will go upstairs and cuddle you in Eliza’s bed until the three of you are asleep.
What you’re losing in sleep points, you’re gaining in potty points. You’ve successfully used the potty a couple times this past week! You also like to take a leak outside on plants. It’s truly one of the joys of having male parts.
But most of all, you just like being naked. The weather is warming up so you treat our front yard like a nude resort. You jump in and out of the pool and try to pee on the shrubs. You talk about your junk pretty much constantly. When play time is over and you refuse to put clothes on, I chase after you around the yard like security trying to catch the streaker at the sports arena.
Try to keep the streaking to this life stage and college, which are the only times this level of nudity are generally acceptable. Start sleeping better immediately.