Dear Eliza, 132 Months Old
“What’s 11 x 12?” you asked me this morning.
I’m not that quick with my times tables, so I broke it down: “Well, what’s 10 x 12?”
“120,” you answered.
“Perfect. Now add 12.”
“132.”
“Yep.”
“So you’ve written 132 letters for me?”
Apparently, I’m not that quick at picking up on underlying questions, either. “Yep, 132 letters, and I’m more than halfway until you turn 18.”
“Why do you write them?”
“Oh, so maybe in the future, when you’re my age, it will be helpful to understand what I was thinking when I was in your shoes. Or hopefully, they’ll help you remember me when I’m gone. They’re my gift to you and a way for me to think about where we are now, too.”
And with that answer, you were satisfied to go back to eating your Nutella pancake.
Happy 11th birthday, Eliza. You are such a thoughtful, inquisitive, curious person. That conversation is just one small example.
The maturity curve is moving fast, and I see it in your decisions and behaviors. For example, this year’s birthday party was really a sleepover with a few of your closest friends. We went back and forth for weeks deciding whether the activity would be an escape room — leaning into your enjoyment of creepy things and appropriate for a Halloween-month birthday — or a “spa day” with all the pampering and self care. You and Mom landed on the latter, and I know Mom had fun getting you and your girlfriends matching cheetah-print robes and little items for skin and nail care.
My job was simple: get Matteo out of the house. He and I went to see a movie, and, to his credit, he did a good job of leaving your girls alone during the other hours.
As for your birthday festivities with the family, we celebrated you throughout the weekend. That included the traditional donut with a candle in the morning, opening gifts, and baking yourself a cake. The “big” present from us was Olivia Rodrigo tickets — your first “real” concert experience. That will be a dad-daughter date in early December. Mom and I had a few conversations about it before I went for the tickets because her lyrics are explicit or touch on some adult themes, but I think the spectacle of the show will capture your attention more than anything. You’re into performing arts in such a big way, and her new album is truly excellent. I think this will be a first concert worth bragging about.
I’m glad we’ll have a special night out because, as you get older, you’re tending to prefer time with Mom. That makes total sense! The preteen years are weird, and you’re going to want to lean into her for advice. You’ve been more private in general with your time and with how much you share about what’s happening at school and with friends. You’re not rude, just shorter with your answers and more thoughtful about what you want to talk about with us. That dynamic will require a little more creativity on my end to find ways to get you to want to hang out with Dad. Good news: I’m up for it!
I hope this birthday was a memorable one for you. Only two more years until you’re a teenager! Ahhh!
Love,
Dad