Sometimes you have to break the monotony of work by pretending to be a dog, just before the CEO of the publicly traded company that just bought your company introduces himself.

As many of you know, my days working at the Ferndale offices of PRWeb are counting down. I'm in awe of the resistance my co-workers have had to my departure. It's a Che Guevara-esque spirit. I was flattered when they put "Paolo Can't Leave" signs up around the building. I am in slight fear that Cari & Co. will hold me at knife-point and threaten my life for leaving, but this has yet to happen.

I'm having no trouble at all finding people to take over my lease in Bellingham. I live at a very, very popular place. I put up an ad on craigslist.com the other night and within 12 hours I had eight people who wanted to see the apartment. I think I'll have someone locked in early next week.

I'll be moving to Ballard and living with Katrine and Moos. Katrine is working her ass off trying to get us a place and I really appreciate her hard work in between making out with boys and brewing coffee. Moos and I are in talks about sharing a U-Haul to move our stuff down, but we have to learn about move-in dates first. Moos, have your people call my people.

This is a good move for me to be closer to the friends and family I love and swim in a bigger pond, if you will. Watch out Seattle, here I come!

I'd like to give you all some short-term notice that my band focuspoint is playing a show in Bellingham this Saturday night. The show starts promptly at 10 p.m. The cost is $5 and, sorry children, you must be 21 to get in the door.

If you'd like to see Chris's face, instead of the back of his head in this picture, I'd recommend you come out. We'll be premiering one of the new songs I wrote in Greece. If seeing us play live isn't enough, we'll have free stickers available. What a deal!

Expect gas prices to jump on the West Coast, and global economics aren't at fault this time.

According to the AP, BP Exploration Alaska announced late Sunday it had begun shutting down 400,000 barrels of daily oil production at Prudhoe Bay in Alaska as a result of a corroded Alaskan pipeline owned by BP. This cuts Alaska's total crude oil production in half.

"Alaska usually supplies 800,000 barrels of oil a day to the West Coast refineries, or 30 percent of all the oil processed daily in that region, the Energy Information Agency said in its outlook — which should cause gasoline prices all over the country to rise," the article reports.

BP was already the target of a federal grand jury, the Environmental Protection Agency and congressional investigators for letting its Alaska pipeline crumble, resulting in a spill last March.

According to USAToday.com, "Even before the spill in March dumped 270,000 gallons of oil onto the Alaskan tundra, BP's maintenance of its pipelines had come into question. Company whistle-blowers reportedly raised concerns about how the company dealt with pipe corrosion as early as 2004, eventually leading to an inquiry into possible violations of the federal Clean Water Act by the Environmental Protection Agency's office in Seattle — an investigation that intensified after the March spill."

All that said, how is it that major oil companies are producing record-breaking profits, but no investments are made in maintenance that would have saved this lapse in production?

Seafair is over. That was a warm-up for the real party.

I'm going to Bumbershoot this year. Yes, it's expensive at $25 a day. But I'm throwing down to see Kanye West and opening act Blue Scholars on Sunday Sept. 3. I'm tempted to go on Monday to see Atmosphere and A Tribe Called Quest, too. Who's coming with me? It'll be a lot of food, a lot of music, and a lot of fun.

Side note: Today I was walking down Cornwall Ave. and saw a guy dressed up in a Mr. Peanut suit. There was no clear sign of where he was coming from or where he was going. He waived to me as he walked past. Because this occurred in Bellingham, I'm guessing he was protesting W. and the war in a creative way.

If you're going to masturbate, don't be selfish. Do it for a cause.

Yes, according to a Reuter's story, hundreds are expected to attend a masturbate-a-thon in London today. Sponsored attendees will be jackin' or jillin' off to support HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. The amount of money raised will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve.

According to the story, "Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas... However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms."

Wow.