Dear Matteo, 76 Months Old

We came to Indiana for a family visit and didn’t know that we’d be saying goodbye to Grammie.

This is the way she would have wanted things. She got to see you, Mom, and Eliza one more time, and she passed while we were out of the house. We all wanted her to suffer less than she had these past few years, but she was a fighter and certainly motivated by the love for her family, including you. We also have to give your Popa Roger a lot of credit for the support and resilience the last 16 years that Grammie battled cancer and complications that affected her lung and heart. That kind of dedication is how people stay married for 48 years. Love can outlast just about anything.

This letter isn’t meant to be an obituary. There’s another place for that. What I do want you to know is that Grammie did a lot of things right, and the testament to that was how many people showed up at the house just hours after she died to mourn and support Popa and Mom.

There’s no easy way about these things, and candidly it’s been a strange blend of sadness and stress to determine what happens next with the family affairs. As such, we’ve been asking you and Eliza to be a little more independent.

You two have been processing things your own way. You put your heads down creating art about Grammie the night she died to help everyone feel better. You have been providing us updates about if she is past outerspace to reach heaven (“She’s almost there”) and suggested we put her ashes in a flower pot. You’ve also been taking breaks watching shows on your Kindle and organizing your Pokemon cards, a new hobby.

Sometimes your Mom has a tough moment and you’ve been doing a great job giving her big hugs to help her feel better. I don’t have a witty or savvy way to end this letter because I’m still in a bit of shock, so I’ll end by saying that I’m thankful for our Indiana family and the memories we’ve had here with Grammie.

Love always, Dad

Dear Eliza, 96 Months Old

Happy birthday, 8-year-old!

Your mom and I had some debate about how to go about your birthday party this year. In years past, we tied your birthday to Oktoberfest and blended the party between Bavarian and Frozen vibes that naturally attracted parents and children by way of either pretzels, beer, or Elsa.

This was the first year that you wanted your own party theme with just girls, so we split the parties up. We had Oktoberfest first, and some family and friends still took the occasion to bring you presents, which you didn’t mind. We dressed up in our respective costumes. I wore my official lederhosen, Mom wore her Bavarian dress, and Matteo dressed as The Flash, for unknown reasons. Only a few guests dressed up, as is usually the case, but it was again a big party and we had amazing weather for it. To help tame your and Matteo’s friends, we played a movie on the outdoor projector before calling it a night.

For your birthday party a couple of days later, Mom put on an incredible tea party. I didn’t know that your mom had such an affinity for real tea cup sets because she spent several weeks collecting them. You and your friends all wore fancy dresses but that didn’t keep you from a dance party before I heard you drank real tea in addition to fruit juice. I only heard this because my job was to get Matteo out of the house, so we crashed at Round Table for a couple of hours playing video games for tickets and redeeming them for incredibly expensive candy.

From both parties you received a Christmas-level amount of presents, so it feels like we’ve spent the days since clearing out old toys, clothes, and generally preparing for the fall. Your birthday is always the first real holiday of the holiday season, and I’d say it went perfectly.

Love, Dad

Dear Matteo, 75 Months Old

The soccer season is well underway, and we’re off to an undefeated start.

Not that winning matters. But it does.

Your behavior in the context of Dad-as-coach has its twists and turns, and the most recent iteration is you having your own “strategy” for the game, as you call it. That strategy involves you playing defense and watching the game in front you, making the occassional big tackle, and otherwise watching the run of play.

As a result, you’re playing back on the field quite a bit and more passively. You’ll get locked in and chase after a ball a few times on your own, but when I push you to move forward, you remind me of the aforementioend strategy, yelling the reminder to me across the field.

Needless to say, I’d prefer you follow my strategies that get you more active on the field.

This is progress though. Last season, you sat out of a lot of drills at practice that you didn’t like and you blantantly wouldn’t listen to a lot of my instructions on the field. I swore after last season that I wouldn’t couch you again, but duty called for our rec team with a lot of great kids. I can’t complain. The quality of play has gotten better, and we have focused on skills and passing that have resulted in a lot of goals in games.

We’ve scored so much in games that I started requiring the team to pass at least twice before going toward goal. And guess what, then we score even more because we’re spacing out on the field and moving the ball more quickly.

That said, the “team” has been doing a good job with all of that ball movement, and now I need more of that from my new star defender. I’m sure you’ll get the ball trapping and quick passing online — as soon as you decide it’s part of your strategy.

Love, Dad

Dear Eliza, 95 Months Old

Hello there, book worm.

You seem to have your nose in a book most of your free time. Sometimes you’re looking over my shoulder as I readm, and increasingly you’re reading books like “Wish” on your own. At nighttime, you outsource my parenting duties, ask your Alexa for an audiobook, and listen to the narrator until you doze off.

The other day, your Mom and I went on a date, and Grandma Vicki came over to watch you and Matteo for a couple of hours. You got into your evening routine and read in your room. When Grandma checked on your and asked you about reading chapter books, you told her, “I’ve been waiting to do this a long time!”

It’s true, you really practiced reading the last year and now get to enjoy the benefit of exploring new worlds and characters through the pages. Reading is an amazing gift of knowledge and brain exercise that you should keep up. I wish I could say I was a good reader, but I’m really not. I’ll finish 3-4 books a year at most. I have friends that read that many in a month.

Right now, I’m pacing through Rick Rubin’s book, “The Creative Act: A Way of Thinking.” It’s a fantastic, medidative book about creativity with short chapters of 6-12 pages and I just read one at a time before I call it a day. I enjoy reading it, I just don’t get locked in the way you do to keep going and going. I listen to a lot of podcasts so I get my intellectual diet that way, I suppose.

In addition to reading you continue to write a lot. That European vacation book still holds the record for your longest work. Before this school year started, you voluntarily wrote a short autobiography as a gift to your new teacher so she could get to know you. I believe you also had the opportunity to read it in front of the class. For someone who comes across as shy and quiet, you don’t seem to hesitate to communicate through your writing and presenting it.

Of course, I’m creating something for you here that I expected you to read many years down the road, and I overlooked that could be much sooner. It will be a shift writing to you in a way you could read in real-time. I look forward to hearing what you think, after you catch up on the months past.

Love,
Dad

Dear Matteo, 74 Months Old

“That’s a fish, that’s a fish! Grab the net!”

And then we start the fast chain of events to catch a salmon: I pull the rod up off the holder and start reeling and fighting the fish. I pause for a few moments in reeling to free a hand and slow the boat and also turn the switch to pull up the downrigger. You grab the net and get ready toward the front of the boat, peering eagle-eyed into the deep water. We both communicate when we see the fish and where it is relative to the boat, trying to keep it away from the other line still in the water. As the fish comes toward the boat, I tell you when to drop the net and when to pull it up. We see the fish enter the hoop, and you pull with all your strength. All within 30-40 seconds, we have a 8-to-10-pound Coho (silver salmon) flopping around the boat.

You’re unafraid to bat the fish (though I follow-up for certainty) and pull it out of the net. I take a picture of your trophy and winning smile. We bleed it, reset the lines, and continue the adventure.

Whew.

Though I’ve only taken fishing seriously this summer, I get what it’s all about. At minimum, you’re on the water and enjoying the sights of Puget Sound. That’s an easy and given win. Every so often or not for an entire day, a fish bites and the action begins.

When your Mom and I took our fishing trip up to the Kenai to catch sockeye salmon, there were a lot of fish in the river and there was an expectationt to hook one frequently, hence the point of the trip. But down here in Puget Sound and especially Marine Area 13 (south of the Narrows), there aren’t nearly as many fish and so the bites are rare and when they happen it feels like a lottery win. We’ve lost more than a couple of fish, too, and that feels like losing a close game that you want to replay. So you keep fishing.

The downtime in fishing — the vast majority — is a nice aspect for adults (a break from the grind) but can be boring for kids coming off all the excitement of school and dopamine hits of devices. Despite that, you’ve been a great partner and willing to get on the boat whenver I ask. We mix up things up with music and dance parties that get sideways glances from the camo-clad boats we pass when trolling. To each their own.

Like with skiing or hiking, I’m just glad we can enjoy what’s nearby and outside. Now we have a good water sport to keep us busy and together. Maybe we’ll catch a fish and get to eat it, or maybe we’ll just get to hang out and eat gummy bears. Either way, I’m a happy Dad.

Love, Dad