Tom Cruise Hits Aberdeen Up

Tom Cruise and fiance Katie Holmes were in Aberdeen, Wash., yesterday promoting "Mission:Impossible 3." According to the AP story, TomKat attended a "private screening at the mall cinema with lucky contest winner Kevin McCoy and 150 of his friends. McCoy won an e-mail contest sponsored by 'M:I3' studio Paramount Pictures and Yahoo."

At the event, complete with a red carpet imported from Seattle, Tom Cruise proved he has gone off the deep end.

After receiving honorary Aberdeen citizenship from the mayor (this is Aberdeen's equivalent to the Nobel Peace Prize), Cruise said, "I am amazed at how beautiful it is here, and you're really warm and wonderful people."

Now that is just crazy. I have been to Aberdeen. It's not all that beautiful, compared to other NW spots, and the people seem frigid and depressed. I thought jumping on Oprah's couch was bad, but it's now crystal clear that Tom Cruise has lost his mind.

Speaking of couch jumping, Aberdeenians do have a sense of humor. Two radio stations sponsored couch-jumping contests until Paramount Pictures intervened, citing the event "reflected poorly on Tom's image."

Aberdeen's last brush with fame was also contest related. In 1996, an Aberdeen resident won an MTV contest and brought Metallica to town. Apparently, celebrities will only go to Aberdeen if a contest is involved.

Of course, Aberdeen's biggest claim to fame is producing Kurt Cobain and slightly lesser-known Ally Evans. Kurt didn't leave Aberdeen and his broken home fast enough, and the severe depression he developed in Aberdeen ultimately led to his demise. Ally, fortunately, escaped the Aberdeen gloom early and moved to Tacoma where she had only to worry about drive-bys and meth labs. She later moved to Bellingham where she had only to worry about hippies and meth labs. Learning that hippies are more dangerous than drive-bys, she'll be moving back to Tacoma later this year.