On the eve of the solstice I wrote this...

Coming with a singular purpose, to get rid of the curses
That afflict us
We live what you only see in pictures
The biggest hypocrites usually quote the most scriptures

Add this to the reasons why I love being Catholic...

Because moral confusion so often is to blame for car accidents, traffic and road rage, the Vatican has released "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," a document that details how people can exhibit Christian virtues while driving, the AP reports today.

The document advises against using automobiles for "occasions of sin," such as drinking and driving, making dangerous passing maneuvers, speeding, or picking up prostitutes, and suggests reciting the rosary en route, since its "rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."

And what Vatican report would be complete without Ten Commandments to follow? (This is seriously included in the document).

1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.

Now go in peace, brothers and sisters, to drive and serve The Lord.

Without divulging the details, I want to let you all know that my online dating adventure is so far successful, but really, did you expect anything less from me?

Seeing as this blog comes up at the top of the list when you Google my name, and my contact Yahoo email address for The Stranger contains my entire name, I won't be sharing much here.

This is the fork in the road. If you speak to me regularly outside this blog, you'll learn what's happening. If you are some distant acquaintance or regular stalker or are fulfilling some voyeuristic fetish, you're out of luck. But thanks for reading the blog anyway.

Dear Adam Corolla,

Do me a favor and fire Danny Bonaduce. I tune into your show everyday on my way into work, but everything about Bonaduce annoys the hell out of me. Nothing he says is funny. I hate how he one-ups everyone else's stories on your show. I don't care if he's been married, divorced, homeless, in and out of rehab a dozen times, or how he's so rich now that he shits quarters.

Do you keep this guy on your show to contrast how funny and intelligent you and Teresa Strosser are in comparison? Trust me, that's not necessary. I knew from your days on Loveline and various MTV and Comedy Central Shows that you are The Man (Show).

At least consider a replacement. I laugh for days when David Allen Grier makes his occasional appearances. His Maya Angelou voice is magical. Or bring back Dave Dameshek. His humor contrasted yours and Teresa's well and his groundbreaking "Jerk List" exposed a segment of this society that had never been so deservedly recognized and emasculated.

C'mon Adam, fire Bonaduce. He shames your show and is a total jerk!

Regards,
Paolo

Friends,

Today this blog reached the 30,000 hit milestone. For all the attention you've given me, I feel like I should give something back.

Whereas I rarely divulge into any personal information here, I give you this: I'm broadening my horizon and will explore online dating -- this generation's social phenomenon. Congrats to all those who have been hasseling me about this for months. You win.

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Taking the Plunge:

1. Like with politics, statistics can be used as compelling evidence. I did the math and realized that I haven't dated in approximately two years and haven't pursued a girl for approximately six years. Enough said.
2. My wingmen are dropping like flies.
3. I know a lot of really cool women who are online dating, so if that's where the kind of women I'd like to meet are going, I'm logging in. It's logical.
4. I know lots of people who have met their significant others, spouses, psychos, etc., online. I'm aiming to avoid the psychos, for the record.
5. I'm in really, really good shape right now.
6. Hell, it's safer than meeting women out and about. I'm not talking like physical safety. I'm talking about the circumstance that women are saying openly online, "Date me." It's tough trying to read who's single and straight at the bars sometimes. This is so much easier. And God bless hot lesbians, to that point.
7. I'd like to expand the focuspoint fanbase.
8. This is totally on a whim. This blog post is on a whim. It's more fun that way.
9. I'm online-oriented, can't you tell?
10. Lastly, I've realized that I've been doing a great disservice to the women of Seattle by not being more social. The fact is, there are a lot of douche bag, idiot guys out there that are wasting women's time. I hear you ladies. I'm answering your call.

So, like one of my heroes, Tucker Max, I am opening myself to the online dating game. I don't know how aggressively I'll pursue this, but I'm no longer closing myself to the possibility of meeting someone online. It's a baby step.

I'm putting a profile up on The Stranger's Lovelab, like a friend of mine has, and I'll see what happens. I like Lovelab because the questions are interesting and because I like reading The Stranger and like people who read The Stranger. If you're one of the many girls who reads this blog (and The Stranger) and is seriously thinking this is your chance to make a move, check out my profile there, but I warn you. You have to meet the following criteria:

1. You must have confidence. You must have a job you like and know your interests. I have a low tolerance for 20-somethings who don't know what they want to do in life. I figured it out. So should you.
2. You must have dark features and look something like a Kate Beckinsale, Evangeline Lilly or Rachel McAdams (in "Wedding Crashers," not "Mean Girls"). No exaggeration here. I stay fit and have good genes. I'm looking for the same. Why shouldn't I?
3. You must have high standards and goals for yourself. Obviously I do.
4. You must want to travel, as often as possible, and bake me cookies. Those activities can happen seperately.
5. You must be compatible with an arrogant narcissist because that's who I am.

Now, if you're a girl who's ready to comment on this post and write, "Good luck with that, you idealistic, heartless bastard. You're the reason women have body image issues. No wonder you haven't dated for awhile," you lack the final and most important quality I'm looking for: a sense of humor. If you take half the shit I say seriously, especially on this blog, then you will not pass Go and not collect $200. Capiche?

Wish me luck.

- Paolo